In the News: Political Turkeys

“What clever man has ever needed to commit a crime? Crime is the last resort of political half-wits.” (Charles Maurice de Talleyrand, 1754-1838)

The quickest and easiest way for me to ruin a good day or make a bad day exponentially worse is to read the newspaper. Death, deceit, and destruction make the headlines and it’s either depressing or infuriating depending on my preconditioned state of mind. Even the human interest stories smack of Lifetime Original Movies, and I usually have no stomach for those mushy pieces either. Editorials sometimes offer some interesting viewpoints, but I get enough opinionated garbage driving to work with the radio on or watching a few minutes of CNN before bedtime.

How often does it happen that I pick up a newspaper and get happy headlines like “Pope Caught with Prostitute”, “Bush Family Jailed, No Possibility of Parole”, or “Local Jewish Heretic Wins Lottery”? So the prospects of hearing the kind of news items I want are pretty slim. Sometimes, however, sandwiched between the advertisements for the hundreds of things I can’t afford, don’t need, and will never want is a story that piques my somewhat twisted interest. Unfortunately these items are usually of the sad or stupid variety as well.

Here is one of those from the Detroit Free Press of 01-05-05. There are actually a series of articles on a little misadventure in this politician’s office. This problem, in and of itself, is indicative of the thuggery and thievery that dominates Detroit politics. I can almost understand the desire the scam millions of dollars from pension funds, since that seems worth the risk, but the following piece of criminality is so low and unprofitable as to make it obscene to consider. I am once again surprised by the low levels that well paid political operatives will stoop to in order to scam a dollar or two. Did they not think they would get caught? Or did they imagine themselves beyond scrutiny?

Our subject is Representative John Conyers, a Democrat and one-time lawn jockey for now deceased ex-mayor and super-criminal Coleman Young. If you have ever had the opportunity to hear Mr. Conyers on C-Span, you would know that he is a blithering moron who, like many of his fellow tenured politicrats, can speak for twenty minutes uninterrupted by either emotion or common sense. His ability to choose qualified, capable, and law-abiding staffers is also in question. Maybe, Mr. Conyers, it’s time for the nursing home.

http://www.freep.com/news/locway/turkey5e_20050105.htm

Where Did Turkeys Go?

BY JOEL THURTELL , FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER, January 5, 2005

The director of a Detroit food bank wants to know what happened to 60 turkeys -- 720 pounds of frozen birds -- that his charity gave to members of U.S. Rep. John Conyers' local staff two days before Thanksgiving to give to needy people.

Conyers' Detroit office promised an accounting of any turkey distribution by Dec. 27, but the Gleaners Community Food Bank had received no paperwork as of Tuesday, said the charity's director, Agostinho Fernandes.

Fernandes said he became suspicious that the turkeys didn't get to poor people after hearing from a friend that a federal court worker had said he was offered free turkeys from a member of Conyers' staff.

Conyers' press secretary Karen Morgan said Tuesday that she was told that some of Conyers' staffers gave the turkeys to poor people whose names were provided by the state Family Independence Agency. A fax with those names, she said, was to be sent Tuesday or today to Gleaners.

Maureen Sorbet, a spokeswoman for the FIA, said Tuesday, "I spoke to the central FIA office in Wayne County, and they were unaware of the turkey situation.

"Normally, we don't provide names" of FIA clients, Sorbet added. "Sometimes at Christmastime we might if people self-disclose. It's remotely possible."

By mid-afternoon Tuesday, Fernandes said he had received nothing from Conyers' office.

"I've got to tell you that our mission of feeding hungry people has been violated by the people who should have been guardians of our mission," Fernandes said.

Fernandes said Conyers staffer Elisa Grubbs signed a Gleaners invoice Nov. 23 acknowledging she picked up the turkeys on the congressman's behalf. Fernandes sent the Free Press a copy of the invoice.

Morgan said the staffers who picked up the turkeys had promised to provide Gleaners with an accounting by Dec. 27. Morgan said she would ask Conyers to call the Free Press to answer questions about the turkeys, but he did not. (Gasp!)

Boyd, Brown and Grubbs did not return Free Press calls. (No surprise there.)

A spokesman for the ethics committee could not be reached for comment. (No surprise here, either.)

A spokesman for the U.S. Attorney's Office declined comment. (Not shocked at all.)

Contact JOEL THURTELL at 248-351-3296 or thurtell@freepress.com.

Copyright © 2005 Detroit Free Press Inc.

It seems that Mr. Conyers’ staffers don’t think that they are making enough money, so they now have to embezzle turkeys from local food banks to survive. What’s next? Mugging the homeless? Or maybe shoplifting from the Salvation Army thrift stores? I’m almost afraid to find out what else they have been up to.

Shame on you Mr. Conyers. Shame on your staffers. If I wasn’t a poor white man, I’d run against you.