Aging

(This piece was written by an ex-girl friend, and sent to me via e-mail. I think her words strike a chord in all of us who have grown and aged a little.)

Old age, I've decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body---but I don't agonize over it for long. I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.

I don't chide myself for having that extra beer, or for not making my bed, or for buying those three pairs of cowboy boots.I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I decide to read until 4 a.m., and sleep until noon? I will bring out my hate of the ruling class like some dark jewel from time to time and polish it with my tears for an age called "the sixties that never was and if I at the same time wish to weep over a lost love, I will. I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten - and I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. I can say "no", and mean it. I can say "yes", and mean it. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. So, to answer the question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. For the first time in my life, I don't have to have a reason to do the things I want to do. If I want to play games on the computer all day, lay on the couch and listen to old tapes or if I don't want to go to the lake or a movie, I have earned that right. I have put in my time trying to save the world, so now I can be a bit selfish without feeling guilty.

I sometimes feel sorry for the young. They face a far different world than I knew growing up, where we feared the law, respected the old and the rich were envied but not hated. I never felt the need to use filthy language in order to express myself. And they too will grow old someday. I am grateful to have been born when I was, into a kinder, gentler world.

Yes, I like being old!

Love,
Sharon