Reb Shtreimel

During my short break from blogging, it seems that my good friend Reb Shtreimel decided to rejoin the ranks of the holy faithful. I was asked to comment about this turn of events, and I will do so. Let me preface by saying there is no sense of victory or defeat in terms of whether or not Reb Shtreimel, or anyone else for that matter, stays Orthodox or joins me on Yom Kippur morning for a bacon-and-eggs breakfast. I take no joy in hearing of the turmoil that I went through in my own spiritual reassessment being lived now by others. It is a painful catharsis. I am happy he has made a decision.

Reb Shtreimel broke some rules along the way and neglected some others. That’s perfectly human. The only thing that differentiates Reb Shtreimel from everyone else in his community is that he wrote about it and shared his feelings and ideas with others. For every Reb Shtreimel who displays the courage, albeit anonymously, to tell us what he is thinking and feeling, there are dozens if not hundreds who feel the same and suffer silently, passing that frustration out onto their families, their business partners, and others. There are others, whose inner machinations drive them into drug use, sex addiction, or even worse because they had nowhere to vent their pent up doubts and feelings. The psychosocial processes of the religious Jews are the same as with anyone else; we only label them in a different language and context.

Does anyone know how incredibly difficult it becomes to hide something that those close to you must never find out? It takes a great deal of planning to keep secrets, lies, and your own troubles from bubbling to the surface and out of earshot or eyeshot of those who are watching you. It is exhausting work to live a double life. Unless you are a sadistic bastard who takes pleasure from lying to others in order to see just what you can get away with, there is no joy in the effort involved. Reb Shtreimel is an honest man with honest feelings. The subterfuge had to be tough on him.

His world has expectations of him. He has ultimately chosen to live by their values, because above all, he values them above all else. His contrition is the surrender to what he really values most, and it is an unselfish and pure act of Love. I hope someday that I can thank him personally for stimulating so many hearts and minds through his open frankness. I gained a great deal from our exchanges and I will miss them.

Ehr zoll vehren gebensht mit glick, mit nachass, und mit shalom.

Kol Tuv

“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” (Nelson Mandela, from 'A Long Walk to Freedom')