Teshuvah? Don't Even Bother
I am slowly learning that there is no forgiveness in this world, no matter how strongly one endeavors to make sincere amends. There is no room for the repentant, no place for a change of heart, and never enough done to right a wrong. Yesterday’s misdeeds are etched forever in causation, and no one will ever let you forget it.
It isn’t enough to become ehrlich, tzu zeyn ibergegeben, or to be compassionate toward others. It is not enough to admit to past aveyros and seek Tikun. Din is not midah kneged midah in this world. It is much more. Breaking a rule once will forever entomb you in a sort of eternal infamy. There is no cheyn, no rachamim, and no teshuvah. Your motives for teshuvah remains as suspect as your fall from kedusha. You can never return to innocence or into the graces of others.
So be it. Such a world I am tired of fighting anyhow.
I bid you all a fond farewell. I would have liked to have known some of you better, but time has run out.
It isn’t enough to become ehrlich, tzu zeyn ibergegeben, or to be compassionate toward others. It is not enough to admit to past aveyros and seek Tikun. Din is not midah kneged midah in this world. It is much more. Breaking a rule once will forever entomb you in a sort of eternal infamy. There is no cheyn, no rachamim, and no teshuvah. Your motives for teshuvah remains as suspect as your fall from kedusha. You can never return to innocence or into the graces of others.
So be it. Such a world I am tired of fighting anyhow.
I bid you all a fond farewell. I would have liked to have known some of you better, but time has run out.
Kol Tuv
posted by Shlomo Leib Aronovitz @ 3:25 PM
30 Comments
30 Comments:
This sounds kind of scary. Time has run out? What's going on?
Some people can forget and forgive.
Don't let the issues that some people cannot get over bring you down. You are one of the best people to ever grace this earth with your presence.
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."~Mahatma Gandhi
I was told that NO ONE is farfallen.
Hey SL,
You cant and please don’t do it.
I will miss your writing very much. I have often thought that you are someone I would like to know better, for what that's worth.
As to forgiveness, I have always liked what Jung said on the matter: "Forgiveness is giving up hope of having had a better past." That quote may not be exact, but I am feeling lazy and I think I got the idea. Some people can do that and some cannot, often I think it has little to do with the teshuva of the "wrong-doer". I think the teshuva often serves the person performing it more. If it helps you then you know it was done. The other person will either grow or not. If they persist in desiring to change the past, that is them, not you.
Back to my original point. You will be missed. And I do hope you are just talking about the fucking blog, here. I can be a little dense sometimes, but, this sounds serious and that would really suck.
Hey Sl,
Your punch line is freaky.
Don't you think you owe us, your avid fans, an explanation?
SL, Please dont leave us.
Sl,
Your silence is deafening.
Shlomo, yes, some people and some communities never forgive and never forget. But there are people who are willing to let people make mistakes and move on. There are two people who don't know me from SH*&, but they're always on my mind. One is a woman named Cibella. She was a rookie NYC cop, until someone found out that she'd posed nude for a few bucks and got published in a porno mag. She was fired, but she fought back. She made them forgive her. Eventually, she became spokesperson for the NYPD. The other woman is more famous. She was judged "the most beautiful woman in the world" until "they" found out that she, too had had nudie pictures taken. Scorned, she went into hiding, but she came back. Her story inspired me each time I hear her sing "Paint with all the colors of the wind" SL, if 'blogging is too much, please put down your pen. But, please, please, please, don't leave us.
Ben
SL,
Please elaborate, as these words of yours are too Orwellian and are freaking me out.
Maybe you just need a change of scene. I'd be pleased to have you join me in my tour of Europe. I have been here (western Europe) for quite a while now and have all the necesarry logistics in place.
E-mail me at: sapter5361@hotmail.com
Think about it. It may lift your spirits ;-)
Sapter
I hope you are alright and will return to write again. I enjoy reading your blog.
Today is July 16th. I have spoken to Shlomo daily since the discouraging court date on the 13th. (I am out of state on a planned vacation with a long lost college friend of mine, so we are calling each other with words of encouragement.) Each day he has been sounding better and more optimistic. He has been thinking about alternatives to this situation. I don't know how things will work themselves out, but I believe he will be back online writing again in the near future. Thank you all for your support and continued words of encouragement. I can't begin to tell you what am impact you continue to make in his life. Thank you, his loving shiksa , Janice
Thank you so much for this update, Janice.
I thank you, too.
Keep us updated.
Shlomo,
1. There is forgiveness. Those who refuse to forgive are mistaken. But we should be compassionate and forgiving towards them, as we are all humans and we all make mistakes. The penitent understands this better than anyone else. This is the "resurrection" after the "fall". Holding a grudge, withholding forgiveness, actually hurts the person who does so. So do not look at the situation as the other person hurting you. Look at it as them hurting themselves, and try to help them.
2. Even the worst of the worst who have repented and changed their ways shall live -- Ezekiel 18.
3. You sound frustrated. You have repented, but have not achieved the results that you were looking for. The frustration is the result of your attachment to the outcome of your actions. Focus on doing what is right regardless of the outcome. This is much easier said than done, but it is the only way that works. You have done teshuvah because it was the right thing to do, not for the outcome. The rest is up to God and is not your concern.
4. If you have been through episodes of depression before, remember this, first, how bleak things looked when you were depressed, and then how much less severe they became when you came out of the depression. The important thing now is to shake yourself out of it, so that things come into perspective and you can deal with them. Do something new, change your environment, take a day off work and go somewhere that is away from all your current problems; for a day or two, become a tourist in your own city -- hit the museums, take the tours, etc.
5. I hope to hear again from you soon.
Thank You Ja-nice
Hey.....you can't leave...please don't. You write very intelligently and I for one, enjoy your posts and would miss you, if you stop blogging.
As far as not being forgiven.....I'm not sure I understand......details please.
And listen, I've been there, done that. I know one thing; Hashem is our father, and He forgives us, if He sees that we are trying to repent. He is the only one I care about, to forgive me. And He can see right into your heart. If you are sincere, your father in heaven will surely forgive you.
please post and let us know what happened.
Please come back--I always read your posts and they help me to clarify my thoughts. If you leave, it wil leave behind a cloud of defeatism which will cause us, your readers, to feel discouraged too. Chazak!
"Breaking a rule once"....
What sort of rule?
Janice, thanks for the update and for taking care of SL. Please send him my regards and encouragement. I enjoy SL's writing, but what I care most his his life and happiness and would fully understand if he wants or needs to stop the 'blog.
Ben
Courage Shlomo ! Please keep in mind that some of your readers might not leave messages often, yet consider themselves your friends, even when they live very far from you - and that they think and worry about you.
I truly hope that everything will be okay soon !
No not this again?
http://shlomoaronovitz.blogspot.com/2005/02/suicide.html#comments
Hang in there. I am a Goy from Detroit area. Let the moment pass before you decide to do anything.
SL I know you as someone who contributes so much to so many -- you work tirelessly, and sometimes thanklessly and are always there for friends in need. Perhaps you should assume the attitude of our good friend, Triumph, and understand that those people that get you down are merely there "for you to poop on"! I am honored to call you friend and we are here for you-- it's o.k. to not have the answers all the time. I know you have much more time on this earth to inspire, enrich and yes, sometimes, annoy us all!
Lots of love,
Munchie Boom Boom's Mama
Hey Janice, I was really relieved to read your note, I was actually concerned that it might have had something to do with you and that Shlomo had kinda had enough with life as a whole. Anyhow, your note is much appreciated and Shlomo should know that he's much loved by a whole lotta people, including myself.
Anyhow, I'm sorry to hear about R' Shlomo's problems, if they relate to some sort of civil suit then R' Shlomo should remind himself that money aint everything, in fact, it's kinna close to nothing, and if his problems relate to some jail time, well, R' Shlomo it's still a whole motherfuckin lot better than not existing whatsoever.
Jail isn't my preffered accomodations (though it might be roomier than my current habitation) but it could still be quite interesting and enjoyable, and the whole social world that you've built up here could live with you right through the unfortunate circumstance of your place of dwelling. Seriously Rav Shlomo, you're smarter than the rst of us but I'll just remind you that whatever terrible mood you might be in - gam ze ya'avor.
lookin forward to hearin from ya,
mnuez
I'd like to thank everyone for their kind words. It's not the end of the world here, but it is the end of my assuming that things ever change. I have to focus on other things now.
Time has run out. I will make no more effort to rectify anything from the past. I'm done with it. Anyone who wishes to dwell on my past, be it a greedy ex-wife or an unsympathetic jurist can go fuck themselves.
I haven't the time, which would be forever, to deal with it. I'm over for now, and I'd like some peace and quiet within. When I get squeezed I become more disciplined, though no less disillusioned.
Principles and precepts are nice and they help keep us aright, but a bad day is still a bad fucking day, and yes, the day itself will pass, but the consequences of it won't.
TY for the kind words.
Kol Tuv
" To forgive you have to forget."
Mind explaining that for me?
If I forget then forgiving is moot. And who says? Frankly, I don't see much forgiveness at all, and I certainly don't see any forgetting, unless one counts the good things, which are ALWAYs forgotten.
" To forgive you have to forget."
Mind explaining that for me?
If I forget then forgiving is moot. And who says? Frankly, I don't see much forgiveness at all, and I certainly don't see any forgetting, unless one counts the good things, which are ALWAYs forgotten.
i remember an old blessing, that
"may g-d watch you in all the dark places you must walk."
it's not much, but it's all i have to offer.
Shlomster, good luck in whatever life throws at you
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