The Game I Hate to Love

I am a terrible golfer. Golf brings out the worst in me. I think I was better suited for divorce than I am golf. Nowadays, the mere mention of pummeling a little white ball for hundreds of yards towards a small cup adorned with a tiny flagpole, drives me insane with rage. Some people, however, relish the relaxing atmosphere of the golf course or the skill involved in the sport, but they haven’t set foot on the fairway with this itinerate duffer. I might change their opinions in regards to golf's calming effects. Needless to say, I haven’t golfed in years and don’t plan to but, believe it or not, I really, really love the game.

You might be wondering right about now what drives me to love the game, considering my ineptitude and overall dissatisfaction with it. I love golf because the company’s owners and other managers in my office, from April until November, spend a good deal of time away from the office golfing. You have no idea how relaxing their absence is for me. I have a lot of autonomy even when they are around, but when they’re gone, I feel much freer. I can finish tasks without being bothered with stupid questions or office gossip. It’s very nice when I’m alone at work. I have the opportunity and liberty to putter around the office doing the odds and ends that need careful attention. Sometimes, I even pull up a chair and take a well-deserved nap. I’m on salary after all.

The other guys here used to invite me on their weekly golf outings and I have to admit that at times I was tempted to subject them to the evil being that is my horrible-golfing self. Fortunately, I found a polite way of discouraging them from asking me to join them. Among my hobbies is boxing, and some time ago, I spent a great deal of time training and sparring in boxing clubs. I was never much good, but the workout did keep me in top condition. On occasions when a brave coworker would ask me to golf I would respond “Sure, but on one condition. If you box three rounds with me, I’ll golf eighteen holes with you.” Personally, I don’t know which venture would end up being more painful, but that one precondition was enough to deter any and all further invites out to the golf course.

“Golf is a good walk spoiled.” (Mark Twain, 1835 - 1910)