The 'War' on Leaven

Passover is the time of year that Orthodox Jewry goes completely berserk. Even the Day of Atonement, ostensibly the holiest day of the year, preceded by the New Year and the Ten Days of Repentance, does not engender the kind of hue, cry, concern, or effort that is placed into preparing for Passover. For at least one entire month, Orthodox Jewry fills the waking hours devising plans to eradicate any hint of leaven from their person, home, and office. I think I know why Passover is so intense.

Passover is a really a woman’s holiday. Now I don’t mean that the entire focus is on the woman, but rather it is the woman who generally performs the real hard-core preparations for the coming festival. Passover involves lots and lots of scrubbing, painting, scraping, cleansing, and even redecorating, which usually falls under the domain and administration of the Orthodox Jewish woman throughout the year. Passover, however, is her time to shine; her excuse to demand obedience and all must prostrate themselves to her domestic will and whim, as Jewish Law requires each and every member of her household to be 100% leaven free for those eight days a year. No exceptions. There can be no conscientious objection or desertion from the fight.

Passover is a golden opportunity to reign over her household in exactly the same dictatorial manner she would prefer to rule with all year long. Drawers are opened and emptied, pockets turned out and lint removed, shelves are repapered, rooms are repainted, the doorknobs are polished until every inch of her home becomes secure from the ever-present threat of leaven. The home becomes a spotless and shiny little boot-camp where the inmates, under the warden’s watchful eye, dutifully refrain from dropping any food anywhere at anytime. Entire rooms become cordoned off, and family members and guests must check themselves at each door before entering or leaving the table lest they may be in possession of the hated contraband. If only our airport security was this thorough! (Thankfully, there is no cavity search.)

Then of course, in the course of battle, every surface that has been already scrubbed within an inch of its material existence gets covered in layers of paper, plastic, aluminum foil, masking tape, duct tape, tablecloths, cardboard, and sometimes even plywood, just in case a stray molecule of breadcrumb somehow survived the harrowing weeks of chemical warfare and hand-to-hand combat, standing ready to jump into some unsuspecting leaven-free Jewish mouth once Passover finally begins. Leaven is a very sneaky and resilient substance it seems. It is not enough to destroy the enemy, we must radically alter the very landscape which bred him. (Pun intended!)

This is ultimately why Passover is the busiest time of the Jewish year. The paranoia over having possibly missed one atom of a leavened substance drives the Orthodox Jewish household in a month-long frenzy of cleaning. I’m surprised that biohazard suits and latex gloves aren’t issued for the cleanup effort. I have seen people comb through their carpeting with a tweezers and a magnifying glass in search of crumbs. In our fight against leaven, no child will be left behind. All must use what they have to fight it!

(Currently, many communities sentence those prosecuted for minor offenses to ‘community service’, which usually involves picking up trash alongside the highway. If we want a punishment that will serve as a deterrent to future misbehaviors, perhaps we should, subject them to Passover cleaning in an Orthodox Jewish home. No doubt some will never stray from the law again.)

Lastly, the leaven which may have somehow narrowly escaped the ever vigilant Passover Inquisition has to be ‘sold’ to a gentile, even though it may not even exist. Call me lazy, but I honestly never understood why one couldn’t just ‘sell’ it from the beginning and not drive the whole world into schizophrenia for an entire month. It’s not as if we are keeping entire loaves of bread hanging around anyhow during Passover. Then again, I am one of those who 'support the leavened insurgency'.

Good cleaning is not enough it seems. The sterilization process appears a bit over the top and perhaps too harsh, but no. It is her way. She is merely exercising her executive powers. Who is going to stop her? Dad? The religiously driven campaign to root out and destroy each and every rogue crumb of breadcrust remains the best opportunity for the ‘Foundation of the Home’ to run roughshod over everyone that crosses her path. Passover is when she gets her way. Resistance is futile. She is the commander in chief in the ‘War on Leaven’.

Power corrupts? Absolutely. But I wouldn’t advise arguing with her right now. She’s a little busy. Now grab a broom and get moving!