Suicide

King's Sadness (Henri Matisse)

“Whoever wants supreme freedom must kill himself. He who cares enough to take his own life is God.” (Fyodor Dostoyevsky, in The Possessed 1871)

“There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy.” (Albert Camus, from The Myth of Sisyphus 1955)

I watched TV again (big mistake) and saw a piece on HBO about suicide. Unfortunately, this “doctored-mentary”, much like the others I’ve seen on this topic was one-sided and biased to the ‘pro-life’ position. The segment was almost bearable until the end when there sat a 40 year old man, possibly the producer, bawling and blubbering about his older brother’s suicide some two years previous, lamenting the loss of his mentor and guide through life. There were the usual banalities such as “I still don’t know how to go on”, “I feel my future has been ripped from me”, or “I have lost part of myself.” Dear Mr. Producer, if you couldn’t go on without your brother, then how are you still alive and functioning? This is typical of the melodramatic bullshit that permeates anti-suicide rhetoric.

That was about all I could tolerate and began hoping that this fuckwit was going to pull out a .357 and blow his own head off right there on camera. No such luck, however. Instead, the viewing audience was dragged through a few more excruciating moments of clichéd melodrama complete with streaming tears and hugs from his co-producers, all the while meant to remind us of how precious life is and how much the abrupt loss of a loved one affects our lives. I do sympathize. I know that this man was feeling genuine anguish. I know what it’s like to lose someone you love dearly. Yet, this kind of melodramatic overacting was unnecessary and if his pain was as intense as his brother’s suffering was, he’d kill himself, too. Otherwise, he should keep to the fond memories of the good times, mourn appropriately, and cease and desist from playing the codependent little “feel sorry for me my brother killed himself” child. Making an HBO documentary is worth some money anyhow, so he can be comforted while standing in line at the bank, and thank his brother for all the money he’s now making off his untimely demise.

(That guy’s situation reminds me of a joke told by a comedienne. She had decided to break up with a man she was dating and he told her “If you break up with me, I’ll kill myself. I can’t live without you.” Six months later, she dialed his phone number, and when he answered she asked “You’re alive? What’s the deal?”)

It is highly insensitive and narrow minded to pass judgment on those who commit or contemplate suicide. Dear Selfish Fuckwit, did you ever bother to consider THEIR pain? Did you even notice what was going on? Or are you so incredibly fucking self-centered or self-absorbed that you would expect them to continue living in what is to them an obvious and overbearing misery; one so powerful it demands defiance of biology and societal norms? And without concern for consequences? Would you force your loved ones to remain alive and in pain, in order that you shouldn’t suffer the distress of missing them?

For those who believe they would never consider suicide as an option, let me pose a question. How much pain would you have to be in, and for how long could you endure that pain, before you would wish for death to make that pain go away? Part of the problem is also that we don’t consider emotional illness or emotional pain as part of or as severe as physical pain, which is why so many are willing to pass judgment over one who commits suicide at ninety-five from depression, but not over one who commits suicide because of terminal illness twenty-five. I don’t see a real difference. Death is only a matter of sooner or later and always provides immediate and effective results.

There is pathology to suicide. Cross-sections of the human brain have been analyzed both structurally and chemically and there are definite suicidal characteristics to some people’s physiology. No kidding. The biology always has to be there, too. Suicide is generally connected to psychological and/or psychiatric problems, but not always problems that are endemic or systemic, but grow from situations of great stress and pain that act upon a normally healthy individual, creating the type of chemical ‘atmosphere’ that fosters depression, anxiety, and suicidal tendencies. The claim made in this documentary is that suicide is a result of a breakdown of the decision making processes when, in fact, it can be a very rational and deliberate course of action. It is common to apply a moniker of ‘senseless’ to an act we neither understand or, most likely, simply do not condone. Suicide makes, in many cases, perfect sense. We just don’t always see it.

Those who are in emotional pain aren’t always telling us in words. Life is about putting on a happy face and big smile. The pessimists, the cynics, and the skeptics are just nay-sayers no one cares to party with, and people think we might be suicidal, yet it is those who put on the happy faces who in many cases, well beneath the surface, carry a great and heavy emotional burden. That is why you hear such things as “No one saw it coming” and “But she seemed so happy.” Since our society insulates itself so well from pain and suffering by deflecting and sheltering, we can’t admit to it or see it when it’s happening. Another heavy price we pay for social dishonesty. The pessimist, the cynic, and the skeptic love brutal honesty and won’t be killing themselves anytime soon. They, too, have the internal conflicts produced in the struggle between facade and reality, but have long since developed the coping mechanisms necessary to function. Besides, we nay-sayers want to hang around to see just how bad it really gets and, at some point, have the pleasure of saying to the world “I told you so!”

I don’t buy into that argument that life is always worth living and there are other viable options or “the sun will come out tomorrow.” The suicidal are not that stupid either. They are just in unbelievable pain. Enough pain to make them very bold and motivated enough to make them defy their own biological will to live and the selfishness of a society that demands they remain alive at all costs. This is not limited to right here right now sort of pain either. Few people are driven to the edge by a toothache. The type of pain we are speaking of is protracted, with no end in sight. The sufferer asks “When will it end?”, and gets no reply, while knowing all along what will cure the ‘disease’ instantly. This societal demand that we forge on, no matter what the circumstance, is nothing more than self projected ideas of life thrust onto another in a position that few have taken the time and effort to understand. It is symptomatic of the control-freakism of a society hell-bent on constraining the lives and deaths of its citizens to such an extent that it allows a police officer to shoot and kill a man threatening suicide, for simply defying the order not to jump from the bridge.

I am also fully in favor of assisted suicide. Dr. Kevorkian, who I had the pleasure of meeting some years ago, is a reluctant hero. Sure, he’s eccentric and bit creepy, but who else would take on such a controversial cause or make such a personal sacrifice for that cause? The concept of creating sanctuaries for self-destruction or assisted death is a positive one. It would permit a public forum where individuals and society as a whole could get back to an honest view of life, death, and suffering. All aspects of suicide could be approached rationally and openly, and the societal dishonesty and sheltering we currently promote would soon disappear. We’d be all the better for it, too. The misguided notion that suicide is a coward’s way out or that it is sinful, and therefore to be stopped at all costs, is basic to the problem in our approach to it, and further prevents honest dialogue.

I do not wish to get into a theological debate over souls and afterlife. As a materialist, I do not accept any superstitious notions or spiritual fantasies. The twisted logic of the religious mind does not rely on evidence, and without evidence, how do you make a case? To engage in theology or morality would lead us into the same old questions with the same old answers and the same old results. Without accepting a vast array of non-evident beliefs and superstitions, such an argument, though clearly valuable to some, has no meaning to me whatsoever.

A self-imposed death is another option among the many options we have available. If things are so bad that you don’t wish to continue, and one sees no foreseeable betterment in living, then by all means, DON’T continue living. It’s that simple. The only thing I ask is that people PLAN their deaths a little bit better. Please, don’t leave a mess, don’t do it in public, don’t do it in front of your children, and try to tie up the other loose ends before you go. Most botched suicides are not planned out beforehand. Death, as in life follows the adage “those who fail to plan, plan to fail.” Yes, one can fail miserably, even at death. Lots of people do it all the time. The jack-ass who parked his SUV on the railroad tracks is a perfect example of someone who mismanages a suicide attempt to the extent of endangering others in the process. Once he gets into the California Penal system, he’ll wish he had stayed in the driver’s seat.

I have already planned for my eventual demise. Should I become incapacitated or unable to function normally (some say I don’t function ‘normally’ now), I would choose to be euthanised to end the pain and suffering. Sigmund Freud, who suffered for many years from jaw cancer and underwent many surgeries, ended his life with the help of a physician and a heavy overdose of morphine. We are told it was a peaceful death. I see no good reason to live in torment, or to be a burden upon either society or my family and friends. If society does not prepare the way for me, I will find others who will or take it upon myself.

Assessments of suicidal behavior should be no different than the assessments we make about other behaviors/diseases, and should be conducted with both compassion and scientific sensibility. Certainly none of us acts in a vacuum and there are consequences felt by those left behind in suicide’s wake. We must always, however, consider the deceased first and foremost. His/her level of distress must remain the deciding factor as to how we are to cognitively and rationally approach our own healing process. To emotionally incapacitate ourselves by pondering the past or clinging to the imaginative pictures of what could have been, we not only form unnecessary judgments of the deceased, but hinder our own emotional recovery. What’s done is done. If we can learn something from this to help another, so be it. If not, then our own lives still need nurturing.

Allow those in pain their peace.

“Amid the miseries of our life here on Earth, suicide is God’s gift to man.” (Pliny the Elder, 23-79 AD)