Lost Cat, Lost Mind

Silo wandered in about five years ago. The first time I picked him up and scratched his head he purred back at me and rubbed his head against my face, his claws moving in and out against my sweatshirt. That was a sign he was comfortable. Unlike many of the others, Silo stayed a long time and became part of our little family. We spent a lot of time together. Silo and I would walk around the neighborhood during the late evenings, exploring the nooks, crannies, and whatever happened to be dropped by others along the curb.

No. Silo isn’t dead. Maybe. I don’t know. He wandered off a few days ago and hasn’t been seen since. I’ve been a complete wreck all week and I’m driving the neighbors crazy, too. The ‘not knowing’ is the hardest part. If I begin to consider the possibilities I end up lost in a maze of horrible outcomes that I have no way of confirming. Then again, he may just meander back home, like he did last time, acting as if nothing is wrong.

I don’t own this cat. No one really does. Silo was always free to come and go as he pleased and I never tried to shelter him from being an outdoor cat or from the hazards that come with a semi-feral existence. Silo knew where the tuna, catnip, and warm blankets were, so he always came home. This time he hasn’t, and I’m worried. I have to remember that he came in as a stray and never expected to be taken captive. He was always free to go and I guess he finally exercised that right.

I miss him. It was nice to see him running down the street when he saw my car pulling up into the drive. I don’t imagine that cats feel as humans do about love and companionship, but they do understand pleasure and pain much the same way we must, and that includes a pleasant realization of what brings that pleasure about.

I hope he comes home soon, but I’m not confident he will. I really enjoyed his company and I can only hope that he found another comfortable place to mooch his needs. It hurts not to have him around and I’m really unsettled right now. I will keep looking for him for another week or so. This really hurts. I love that stupid cat.