Ask & Ye Shall Be Grieved

Ok. So maybe you have a kashye regarding Haskafa, discover what you believe to be a chidush in a popular suyga gemara, or have some sefeykos. Possibly, you’ve been learning Nevi’im and coming across some disturbing information or an obvious stirah, and the mefarshim just aren’t helping at all. You do your job well when it comes to Torah. ‘Vehagisa ba yamim velayla’ is your raison d'etre, and yet, you can’t seem to get these problems worked out. You continue to ponder them anyhow, because you are driven to be mekayim the mitzvah b’hidur. The standard answers, though, don’t seem right. Sometimes it looks as if the teretz begets more kashyos, or has nothing to do with the inyan whatsoever.

You shouldn’t worry yourself over this. As an Eved of the Rabbinic Cult of Superhuman Genius, you aren’t really secheldig enough to understand, nor do you need to be. If Rav X did not address it, then who are you to ask about it? Do you think you’re a bigger chochom than the Rav X? Don’t you think that if this issue were important, that Rav X would have already put out a teshuva on it? How dare you imagine yourself smart enough to question a Gadol! What chutzpah! A frass in punim zol ich dir geben! Don’t you realize mochin de’gadlus when you see it? Have you read all the seforim by Rav X? How about Rav Y? Or Z? (I don’t have any available to lend you, but we do sell them through the Rav’s website.)

Maybe you should seek therapy. Only meshugoyim think they are smart enough to question! We can refer you to a good frumme psychologist or a mashgiach that specializes in deprogramming anyone who thinks they can question Rav X’s infallibility and get away with it. For now, please do as you are told and stop distracting yourself and others from Limud HaTorah with your silly little chidushim and sha’alos. Nobody cares. Take your little pshetlach and your delusions of grandeur, and run along.

Play nice and obey the cult or your children will end up having to marry ba’alei teshuva or gerim, and nobody will ever trust your kashrus. Remember, Yiddishkeit is not about you. It’s about what is important for Klal Yisroel, and Rav X is not here to solve your nishtike klotz-kashyos. He has far more important concerns.

What was that? You’re wealthy? Hust gelt? Kumm arrayn Reb Menadevzeyn! So sorry to have kept you waiting! You know Rav X is always so busy serving his kehilla and answering their many questions about a wide variety of subjects in every minute detail! So now, what was your question? Oh and by the way, hust ihr a tochter efsher?

“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.” (The Buddha)

Schnorrers Without Borders

As you might remember from one of my previous posts, I am quite the Nature lover. After all, what tree-hugging liberal isn’t? Putting out dog food, chicken bones, leftover pizza, or whatever else I choose not to consume, generally attracts some of the local wildlife to my door and sometimes even right into my kitchen. The furry denizens around here don’t have much respect for garbage can lids, open doors, windows, or cats. A free meal is just too good a thing to pass up. (I used to have brother-in-law like that.)

Last night, three raccoons came up into the house and began devouring the cat food, much to the dismay of Her Lordship. After being alerted to their presence (Thank you, Janice!), I approached quietly and was able to snap some good pictures, getting within ½ meter of my guests. They approached and retreated several times, led by the tallest of the three, who appeared to be the bravest of the bunch as well. The leader kept a constant eye on me while eating, facing me directly, while running its paw over the surface of the deck to feel for bits of dog food or a chicken bone. The other two, following his/her lead, gobbled up what they could as fast as they could before scurrying back under the deck for shelter.

I was laying on the kitchen floor when I took these photos, and Princess, Ms. Has-To-Know-Everything-That-I’m-Doing, was sitting behind me and looking over my shoulder the entire time. It was a long time, too. (My Sony Mavica may be old-school, but I still love using it.) The raccoon above was not snarling, the dog food was probably a little moist from the rain and rather chewy.

These itinerant schnorrers (beggars) are always welcome in and around my home. We have taken so much from their kind. It is the least I can do to somehow repay them. B’Tayavon!

“Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to instruct them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills.” (Voltaire, 1694 - 1778)

RWJs (Yet Another Political Rant)

As I mentioned previously, I spend some time in Yahoo Chat rooms. The two rooms I frequent most are Jewish Chat 2 and Politics Chat 10. I highly advice anyone with a modicum of derech eretz to avoid the Jewish Rooms of Yahoo Chat. It is a drek-fest of the highest order, and that even when there are no Moslems, no Neo-Nazis, or evangelical Christians around, the backbiting and childish insults among the Jews themselves are intolerable. The sickening things said in this room I wouldn’t repeat when alone in the dark, let alone speak aloud to another human being. Yet, many of these crass, low, and despicable individuals assume the mantle of morality, justice and the American Way, taking their politics to the furthest extreme right as possible, all the while preaching moral fortitude while hating on other Jews (and Gentiles) with some serious venom. Hypocrisy abounds. I can always tell what person’s political affiliation just by the tone and use of his/her language. Those who seem to profess the strongest beliefs in God, country, and good over evil seem to display the most evil tendencies themselves.

Shakespeare Had It ‘Right’

The funny part about these people is what you’d expect to find in their lives and don’t. The Shakespearian dictum of “Me thinks he doth protest too much” applies well here. Few of the dozens of these RWJs are truly religious, have attended yeshiva, speak Hebrew or Yiddish, and only a few actually go to shul or are married to a Jew. I guess we do what we can, and when we don’t do anything of substance to show our true convictions, we just shout them at the top our lungs, irrespective of whether or not they make any sense at all in light of our own conduct. That’s classic lip service for you. I have argument after argument with some of these idiots over Jewish subjects. They will tell goyim something about Judaism and be dead wrong about it, yet insist, in spite of their lack of yeshiva education or inability to actually read the language, that their position is of course authentically Jewish, and I, being the Heretic, couldn’t possibly know what I’m talking about.

The bigger question is why these Jews support the right wing. Is it devout allegiance to Israel? Do they believe that the policies of the Likud or Kach are the best possible solution to bring Peace? Maybe some actually know a bit about Israeli politics, but I bet the 90% they don’t know about ever enters their minds. They forget that the many founders of Israel were Leftists, and that being a Leftist does not make one anti-Israel or anti-Jewish. Yet, they cannot or will not consider either history or common sense when forming their opinions. If they would keep these uneducated guesses to themselves it would not be so bad, but they assume a position of authority and speak with conviction, which makes even the shallowest of arguments somewhat enticing to the unknowing plebian.

“He Knows Not What He Does”

If you tell one of these RWJs that the Rabbis of the Talmud supported price controls, wage controls, labor unions, workers rights, and various social programs, they will call you a liar. Why? Because they have never picked up a Gemara, and even if they had they couldn’t read it even if they managed to hold it right side up. How would they know what the Rabbis said? They can only disagree because of their own shallow opinion and not because it is based in anything factual. These RWJs are not following an unbroken chain of Jewish Tradition, not through their lip service to it nor in their own personal lives.

The issue can’t be moral either. I don’t see these Jews aligning themselves with the Christian Right because they share moral values. These Jews don’t have moral values based on Biblical teachings, and in fact, few of them know the Torah well enough to know what its morality and ethic really is. I will listen patiently while one of the RWJs tells me about what God thinks and, once he finishes, I will gently show him chapter and verse where the Torah says exactly the opposite of what the right wing wants to promote. That won’t stop the person from saying I’m wrong either, because the real issue is not the issue, rather the need for Mr. or Ms. RWJ to be right about everything all the time. Besides, these people, as I mentioned before, don’t live the lives they preach, so morality can’t be the issue here. They are nothing more than insipid little control freaks who prefer siding with a deluded majority, regardless of fact, rather than having their own opinions. Doesn’t it seem strange that God all of the sudden agrees so much with GW Bush? Or with them?

Money Is Thicker Than Blood

Many of these RWJs have done quite well for themselves financially. Therefore, the inherent association of the Left with the confiscation of property, loss of civil rights, wage limits, etc., without knowing the differences between the various leftwing ideals, or recognizing that their own politic advocates the very things they hate most. The argument is ALWAYS a monetary one. Right wing Jewish loonies might care about Israel, Kashrus, and social issues, but their primary concern is the selfish preservation of maintaining the status quo at all costs to ensure their own financial successes. The common people can be easily whipped into any and all kinds of heinous acts based on the ‘preservation’ of some ambiguous way or quality of life that exists only for a small segment of the population but somehow, in their imaginations, manages to benefit and encompasses all. Simply put, RWJs are defending their own greed, becoming as amoral as the RWC to which they so fanatically shackle themselves. It is a fear-based response to an illusion.

Bedfellows without Condoms

Lastly, do these RWJs know with whom they are joining forces? Are they not aware that the Evangelical Christian Dominionists are the very same RWCs that fund the Messianic Movement? “Politics makes strange bedfellows” they say, but this is crazy! We should align ourselves with those who still, 2000 years later, blame us for killing their man-god? Do the RWJs not realize the true motive of the RWCs support of Israel, or how fickle that support really is? Is it enough to make such an alliance only because the Moslem has become a common enemy in light of 9-11 and the ‘war’ on terror? What sort of payback will be expected in gratitude for their support? Does anyone believe that Christians back Israel out of the goodness of their hearts? And when this ‘Islamic Menace” has been dealt with, who do they think is going to be next on the RWC chopping block? The RWJs better hope that the world doesn’t ever run out of Pot-Smokers, Darwinists, Homosexuals, or Communists.

Any allegiance with the RWCs is a dangerous game. These are people driven by their Pastors, Reverends, and Priests, and not by any legal, political, or social ideal. They want a Christian nation and nothing less. GW Bush said that “God told me to invade Iraq”, and these people believe it! This same RWC loony President has enacted more attacks on civil liberties than Stalin. Did God tell him to do that, too? As Marquis de Lafayette so prophetically declared “If the liberties of the American people are ever destroyed, it will fall by the hands of the clergy.” It seems the faithful are always willing trying their hand at tyranny in the name of God.

An ‘Aye’ For An Eye

Some RWJs are just vengeful people and feel that and ‘eye for an eye’ is the epitome of ethical behavior. Gandhi said, “If everyone took an eye for an eye, we would all be walking around half-blinded.” RWCs, even though their Bible calls for ‘turning the other cheek’ are among the most venomous prosecutors of vengeance on the planet. The psychological disorder that causes a person to cry out for blood as a response to every wrong committed only serves to continue the cycle of violence and keep old wounds from ever healing. As Francis Bacon commented, “This is certain, that a man that studies revenge keeps his own wounds green, which would otherwise heal and do well.” It is probable that the desire for war and battle reflects an inner need, on the individual’s part, for chaos, victimhood, and drama. Our collective Jewish and maybe personal histories have been ones of deep pain and sorrow, but there comes a time that we have stop praying for our enemies to suffer or die, and grow up.

Choose Wisely

No one tells me how to choose my friends, and I am damned sure not going to let anyone tell me how to pick my enemies either. The enemy of my enemy is does NOT automatically become my friend. History has shown those alliances to be short-lived and, inevitably, they become a contentious and rather tenuous confederation. As a liberal/progressive, I have some issues with fellow leftists, too, don’t ever follow them blindly, and do speak out against them when I feel they are off-base or unprincipled. Siding with an idea that you don’t like just to stand in the winner’s circle seems a very hollow victory to me. Let’s just be more careful as to which wagon we are hitching our horses to, because the fellow driving the wagon might have some very different ideas about what direction to travel.

There is a story that illustrates the wisdom of carefully choosing or avoiding alliances. A reporter once asked then-PM Menachem Begin during the Iran-Iraq conflict which side he favored in the struggle. Begin’s pithy and typically Jewish answer was “I wish them both success.” Sometimes it is better to stay on the sidelines than to promote one of your enemies over the other, let alone join forces with either of them.

Answering the Apikores

רבי אלעזר אומר הוי שקוד ללמוד תורה ודע מה שתשיב לאפיקורוס ודע לפני מי אתה עמל ונאמן הוא בעל מלאכתך שישלם לך שכר פעולתך.

(Avos 2:14) “Rabi Elazar (ben Arach) says: Be diligent to study Torah and know how to respond to the Epicurean. Also know before Whom you are striving; that your Taskmaster is trustworthy when it comes to paying the wages of your effort.”

What does it mean to “respond the the Apikores?” The Mishnah gives us no clue as to exactly how to respond, but simply says that steady and diligent learning will be sufficient enough for the individual to provide the needed rhetoric. This still leaves us with a few good questions that we may have to find answers for ourselves, from within the context of the Mishnah and/or from other sources.

Firstly, why are we interacting with the Apikores at all? Under what circumstance does one ever have to deal with the Apikores? Does this mean that one is require to take proactive steps to disprove or debate Apikorsim? Why can’t we just tell him or her to “gey bluzzen?” The Mishnah, from its plain language, seems to say that we are speaking to the Apikores directly, and therefore our answers must be specifically tailored for his mentality.

Then we have the problem of goals. Are we trying to convince the Apikores that Torah is true, or are we simply putting up a good defense of Torah, without any concern for his thinking? Are we really only trying to convince ourselves? What is Rabi Elazar’s objective? Do we want the Apikores to do teshuva, or just go away? Are we trying to save him or others?

Culture Clash

The next problem is more one of definition that interpretation. In modern terminology, the Apikores is a catch-all phrase for all sorts of non-practicing, anti-Torah, non-observant, and even misguided Jews. Yet, the word Apikores comes from the word Epicurean, which was a specific philosophical movement among the many that permeated Hellenistic societies.

Epicureanism, along with Stoicism, was one of the dominant philosophies of the Rabi Elazar’s era, being commonly practiced and preached from around 300 BCE until the rise of Christianity some 400 years later. It was this Hellenistic and hedonistic ideal of life and ethic that collided head-on with ancient Judaism under the rule of the Alexander and subsequent Greek and Syrian rulers. I will limit the explanation to the three major tenets that contradict Torah and Rabbinic teaching:

1) All natural phenomena are explained mechanistically. (No gods or providence required.)

2) Personal happiness is more important that communal goals. Happiness is the highest good.

3) Death is the end of consciousness/existence.

Though Epicurus (341–270 B.C.E.) himself denied being a kofer b’ikar, his vision of gods as being detached and aloof from everything, is considered by many to be a thinly veiled attempt to hide his atheism. I tend to agree. Perhaps they only serve as symbols for how men should conduct themselves, more as proto-men than as gods, much like other philosophies of the era. Epicureanism seems to embody all the different types of kofrim and mumarim into one catch-all philosophy, so it isn’t hard to see why Rabi Elazar would single out the Epicurean over and above the Am HaHaretz, the Stoic, or the Tzeduki. In light of this understanding, we discover that Rabi Elazar answers all the questions about this ‘response’ within the Mishnah itself.

Short & Sweet

The key word here is ‘shakud’ meaning diligence. There are other words that Rabi Elazar could have used here, but didn’t. For example, he could have said “hevey zahir” (be careful). ‘Shakud’ has a specific connotation. Torah is not to be limited to a mental exercise or an obligation to fulfill, but requires an emotional commitment, a deep and abiding love for Torah study and mitzvos. It is not enough to apply the brain or even the body, but the heart must be carried along as well. This is the same Rabi Elazar, who when asked about qualities and character flaws, focused his answers on Lev Tov or Lev Ra. It is interesting to note that the Epicureans also believed the heart, rather than the mind, to be the seat of mind and wisdom, and perhaps this is why devotion to Torah serves as the only response to the influence of Epicureanism.

Rabi Elazar offers the response commensurate with Epicurean beliefs. “Know before Whom you toil” is a response to the naturalistic and somewhat hedonistic tenets of Epicureanism, and remembering that “the wages of the effort” will eventually be paid addresses the issues of afterlife and Providence. There really is no debating the Apikores directly. The emotional commitment to Torah is the only protection against outside influences. Rabi Elazar fights fire with fire.

The Benefit of the Doubt

Most religious writings and Rabbinic responsa that cover heresy, heretics, and the various types of heresy do not speak directly to the heretic, unless perchance a heretic comes to read them, and even then, the message is about the heretic rather than to the heretic. There are many assumptions made as the reason why this person left the derech, consisting mostly of unqualified psychological misdiagnosis, and warnings to the still faithful on how to avoid or shun the heretics altogether. As a Kofer/Apikores, I am not offended by any of those things, as they are perfectly normal responses to what are perceived attacks upon or attrition from a set, rigid social structure. It occurs in politics, within families, and among all groups, cliques, and subcultures. I don’t take any attacks as personal.

Rav Elchonen Wasserman o’h said that uncontrollable Ta’avos are what ultimately drive the person away from HaShem. This sort of fellow is called a mumar letayavon (MLT). The MLT, in his wish to avoid any feelings of guilt or remorse for his aveyros, envisions a word with no eternal culpability or recompense. Essentially, the Apikores shut his eyes really tight and makes believe that HaShem isn’t there, or that the Torah isn’t true. The resulting denial of Heavenly Authority allows the MLT to act as he pleases and follow his desires wherever they may lead. In psychology, it is akin to a disassociative disorder, where a person compartmentalizes his actions and conscience, never connecting the objective moral/ethical standard to his own behaviors. Rav Elchonen, much like the Chofetz Chaim, Chazon Ish and Rav Kook, sought to give the modern day heretic the benefit of the doubt, and urged compassion and love as a response, rather than the harsh and bitter threats of death, golus, and cherem that we find in the Torah and Halacha. Lubavitch, Breslov, and other kiruv movements echo these sentiments. The heretic of today is considered to be too much under the influence of science, media, communications, advertising, and the fast world of ideas and pleasures that comes with a higher living standard and more leisure.

A Broad Brush

Love and friendship are all fine and good, and I’m sure that the average secular or non-orthodox Jew might very well fit into this catergory of modern day Tinuk Shenishba, seeing that his only contacts with Yiddishkeit are of the watered down or Hollywood variety, and do not resemble authentic Judaism in any way. Yet, how does this work for the Yid with a yeshivishe or chasidishe chinuch? How can he possibly be tinuk shenishba? At best, he would have to fall under the category of MLT, and in fact, that is exactly where Rav Elchonen puts him. I don’t feel that is 100% accurate.

As in the post by Rachack (see my response there), the typical position taken is that anyone who leaves Torah, denies God, or refuses to do mitzvos must be blinded by some stronger outside influence that masks the ‘truth’. There is the assumption that either the person suffers from deep depression, an overwhelming urge for something ossur, or had a very bad upbringing. I have no doubt that in some cases this is very true. When they blame, they always shift that responsibility from the ideal to the individual. It never occurs to the Orthodox Jew that his beliefs could possibly be misguided or questionable. It is for this reason that the various sorts of kofrim and apikorsim are lumped together. From the religion’s standpoint that makes sense, but from our perspective it appears to be a wholly inaccurate generalization.

I know heretics of many types, some of them coming from the religious Judaism, others from Catholicism, and even a few from Islam. Our stories are quite similar and at the same time quite different. The similarities are the drive for free thinking and a skepticism that requires us to check with reality before accepting ideas as truths. On the other hand, the influences that led each of us to the point of free thinking, or gave the us courage to do so, may have come under different and sometimes traumatic circumstances. It is not easy to leave the life you were born into, or the faith you so zealously followed unless some powerful influence, mental or emotional, played a strong enough role in your socialization to cause this rift between faith, family, and a community.

There is no brainwashing going on either. It’s not as if we have converted to Yoshkeism, or the Hari Krishnas. Those who exchange one delusion for another don’t get much respect from us. I have found a philosophy of life and thought that suits my tastes and makes sense to me, but no one forces it upon me. If anything, my personal philosophy remains at odds with the outside world as much as it does inside the shtetl. There is no one holding a gun to my head or professing the benefits of Apikorsis into my ears, and there is no organized effort to wean people away from Yiddishkeit, unless one considers the entire world of science, philosophy, and history to be attacks on Yiddishkeit.

I see the world in the same way I see my former beliefs, searching out truths and falsehoods in the same manner. I am no more susceptible to media hype, political indoctrination, or womanly wiles than I would be to a mussar shmooze or a blatt gemara. The Apikorsim are the ones who are least likely to suffer brainwashing, and we seem to have this uncanny ability to see through facades and ask all the right questions. We are people who just refuse to play along. That refusal has its price and it’s a steep one.

All You Need Is Love (Sometimes)

It is for this reason that the words of Rabi Elazar are so profound and timeless. There really isn’t any way to reach the Apikores except through the appeal to his sense of community and compassion. Reaffirm your beliefs and maintain your sincerity. We are not heartless robots or beasts driven mad by unbridled passion. We respond to love, to reason, and affection. This is also something to take note of when confronting those still within the Kehilla who are holding Sefeykos or falling into batlanus or worse. Be careful though, we can tell when you’re sincere and when you’re faking. If you are not a ‘Shakud Lilmod Torah’, you’d be better off avoiding the Apikores.

Kol Tuv

The Princess

Pretentious and aloof as a wealthy heiress
Subtle as a jackhammer
Her fits of exuberant affection coming
In short and sudden bursts
Sprinting down a darkened hallway
Or voicing her commands
The last word is ever hers

Play is her release
Moments when haughtiness subsides
Quick to catch herself
Before the façade is revealed
Recovering former dignities
Stalking off to groom or hunt imaginary prey

It is never just about what she desires
Only that which her high status demands
Lording herself over home and human
She is Princess -
All must worship!

And we do.

The Truth About Terri

This next item is not really good news at all, but points to a common pattern among neo-conservatives in the U.S. The Neo-cons must assume that by the time the truth comes out that no one will care that they lied. They have done it with Iraq, they have done it again with the Patriot Act, they are doing it with Social Security, and they did it with poor Ms. Schiavo. They are wrong about the caring part, too. I care about truths, no matter when they come to light, and so do many others.

We all remember the tragic circumstance of Terri Schiavo. Perhaps even more of us remember the political fallout surrounding her alleged wishes to have life ended if, in fact, she should end up in a persistent vegetative state. The courts, and rightly so, sided with her husband, allowing him to fulfill her wishes. Her distraught parents, church leaders, and many Republican politicians circled their right-wing loonie wagons, trotting out a bevy of ‘Christian’ neurologists with the claim that proper rehabilitation could save Terri Schiavo. Others claimed that she was cognizant, and still others claimed that her state was nowhere near vegetative or persistent. When appeals to courts, the Legislature, the President, and the general public did not achieve their goals, they began accusing Mr. Schiavo of abuse and neglect, even suggesting that he attempted to murder his wife, and was trying desperately, seven years later, to finish the job. Tens of witnesses came forth in support of these ridiculous accusations, and not one of them credible, but all of them quite vocal.

Well, now the autopsy has been performed and the truth is known about Terri’s condition. The right-wing loonies are once again proven wrong by the facts; facts that, by the way, were attested to by Terri’s doctors all along. It is about time they learned their lesson, and in the future, should endeavor to speak out only after the facts have been presented. I know that is nothing more than wishful thinking on my part, but I will still demand it nonetheless. It is intolerable that we live under and amongst those whose religious fervor and control-freakism eclipse any sense of propriety, rule of law, or common sense. Like many other in events in recent history, the Religious Reich misdiagnoses both problem and solution, leaving me with no reason to lend any credibility to their assertions.

Why must they jump to conclusions? Why can’t they wait for facts? I’m tired of these religious wack-jobs crying foul when nothing is wrong. Below are a few links to news items related to this story.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8225637/

http://www.freep.com/news/latestnews/pm4605_20050615.htm

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/11901433.htm

To all the right wing nut-jobbers out there: please wait for facts before flying off the handle. You should apologize to Michael Schiavo and to the American people for all the pain, time, and money you caused the nation to squander over your idiotic zealotry. Shame on every one of you, especially the leaders, who should have known better and instead, pandered to their constituencies for votes and money.

The Art of Talking 'Shit'

Among the many things that one doesn’t learn about the real world when growing up in the Confucian-like, polite world of Orthodox Jewry is the art of talking ‘shit’, which is strictly forbidden by Jewish Law. Roughly defined, talking ‘shit’ is the ability to openly insult, malign, and ridicule others and their ancestors or progeny without incurring any negative fallout from the victim. This manner of communication is common in the blue-collar world where such banter helps ease the passing drudgery of a monotonous, routine workday. It is the only conversation left to have when the crew has run out of tasteless jokes, farts, and comments on the female anatomy. Truth be told, I never thought talking so much trash would be so useful and fun at the same time.

For the uninitiated, this may seem nastier than the usual office gossip that goes on out of earshot and behind other people’s backs in most business establishments. In fact, I have never worked in a school or office that didn’t have some level of serious political or social intrigue going on in the shadows. Yet, talking ‘shit’ is nowhere near as sinister and, when engaged in properly, can actually help form stronger bonds between colleagues. The beauty of talking ‘shit’ is that everyone does it to your face. The ability to give and take in good humor is essential to mastering the art. Sometimes, somebody is going to talk ‘shit’ at you and everyone is going to laugh their collective asses off at your expense. Don’t get emotional about it. All is fair in love, war, and talking ‘shit’, and your opportunity for revenge is right around the corner.

There are no sacred cows in the world of ‘shit.’ Any and all people, places, or things fall prey to it. If you have a family member with a disability, break an arm, divorce, or worse, do not expect the Shit-Talkers to give you any overt sympathy. If you do, you will be very disappointed. It’s not that they don’t care about you or your troubles, because they generally do, but the communication is through the ‘shit’ and not through hugs, handshakes, or scripted sentiments. The most you’d get from real tragedy is silence. I kind of prefer that, too. Words don’t ever say as much as the frustration that comes from the lack of something to say when it comes to condolences.

If you don’t want to be the victim of a verbal ‘shitting’, make sure never to make any mistakes at work or forget to wear something important i.e. socks or underwear. If you proposition a woman in front of the other crew and get a cold shoulder, be ready to endure years of ‘shit’ over that, as well. The Shit-Talkers have perfect memories, and whatever you do or don’t do will become the stuff of blue-collar legend. It’s likely that things as insignificant as a haircut, beard, age, choice of aftershave, or diet could also become subject of communal ridicule. If someone mispronounces your name, even once, you might as well answer to it, because that’s what you’ll be called henceforth. It is not for the faint of heart or the overly self-conscience. Those who can’t handle the ‘shit’ usually don’t stay in the job very long.

It’s just another life skill they don’t teach you in yeshiva.

"Digressions, objections, delight in mockery, and carefree mistrust are signs of health; everything unconditional belongs in pathology." (Nietzsche 1844-1900, from Beyond Good & Evil)

Amber Alert

Ezekiel (Michaelangelo, Sistine Chapel)

I spend a little bit of time in Yahoo Chat, spreading what hours I have available between the Jewish Chat and the various political rooms. I think I am going to begin gleaning more material from those rooms for this blog. On one hand, there are some brilliant people, offering amazing ideas on a wide range of subjects, yet on the other, some of the dumbest and most vile nonsense imaginable passes as subject matter in those forums. Like all things, one takes the good with the bad, and the bad can also be quite entertaining. Today’s posting comes from one of the better conversations.

The biggest problem one faces in a Yahoo chatroom is logistic. There is seldom the time to explain an idea well enough to convey it properly. This, in addition to the usual interruption of other chatters, makes it really tough to prove a point or carry on any meaningful conversation. By blogging the issues, however, I can go into greater depth with each matter. Besides, I can be more passive about my selection of topic, allowing them to come to me rather than having to conjure the ideas from scratch.

Ezekiel’s Vision

ד וארא והנה רוח סערה באה מן-הצפון, ענן גדול ואש מתלקחת, ונגה לו, סביב; ומתוכה--כעין החשמל, מתוך האש

(Ezekiel 1:4) “And I beheld a stormy wind coming from the north, a great cloud and flashing fire, surrounded by glowing light. From within it a gleam, like the appearance of amber, came out from the fire.”

This verse is part of what is commonly referred to as the Merkava (Chariot), or the Maras Yechezkiel (Vision of Ezekiel), and is one of the primary prophetic visions in Torah. The metaphor of chariot and rider is use extensively in rabbinic literature because of its usage here in Ezekiel, and it forms the basis for much of Kabalistic thought. A priest taken to Babylonia, Ezekiel became a prophet to the community of Judean refugees living there in the sixth century B.C. Although the Torah strictly forbids (Exodus 20:4) the Jews from forming any mental image of God, Ezekiel in this vision (1:26) sees God as a ‘likeness’ of human form, sitting on a very fancy throne.

That’s not the issue here, however, though I wouldn’t mind getting into that at another time. The real problem comes from the word Chashmal which in our context, is translated as amber, but in modern Hebrew used for electricity. The assumption is that Ezekiel, or the authors of this book, were familiar with electricity, and that familiarity proves the veracity of the Torah and the Vision of Ezekiel. I am here now to address that claim and debunk it.

Amber is the fossilized resin of ancient trees which forms through a natural polymerization (little molecules forming big molecules) of the original organic compounds. Most of the world's amber is in the range of 30-90 million years old. Amber is known to mineralogists as succinite, from the Latin succinum. Heating amber will soften it and eventually it will burn, a fact that has given rise to the name bernstein, by which the Germans know amber. Amber can occur in a variety of colors, but mostly in the range between brown and yellow. Many insect and plant fossils became naturally preserved encased in amber, and much of our fossil record can be attributed to this little fact. Rubbing amber with a cloth will give it a charge, attracting bits of paper. The Greek name for amber is elektron, or the origin of our word electricity. This shows the connection between amber and electricity, though amber is known to be a poor conductor. Could the ancients have known about electricity, or did they only know about the special properties of amber?

Let’s go back to the translation of Chashmal as amber. In modern Hebrew, the word for amber is anbar, and not Chashmal, which is now used exclusively to refer to electricity. So why do most translate Chashmal in Ezekiel as amber? The reason can be found in the context of the Ezekiel’s vision, where much of the description is related back to precious stones and metals, with flashing lights and images hovering within and around these.

Ezekiel, if he did have this vision, was attempting to explain it in terms that common people might understand. Imagine yourself seeing something that no one else had ever witnessed. You would end up having to describe this object by using other objects more familiar to your audience. We have no record that the ancients knew anything about electricity, but we do know that they knew about amber, and Ezekiel, in his vision, used this familiar mineral as a descriptive tool. It is likely that the color of amber led Ezekiel to allude to it in his narrative, much as he spoke of beryl, sapphire, and polished bronze.

The reasonable explanation is merely a matter of language. The translators of the verse, who themselves knew nothing of electricity, translated chashmal as amber because of context and lack of any other word or idea to describe it. They may have known, like the Greeks and others before them, that amber possessed this ‘electric’ property, in the same way that they knew about magnets, but they had no idea beyond that as to the nature of electrical force, lightning, or electron flow. It was not until Ben Franklin that we knew even a little bit what we were dealing with. I highly doubt that the author(s) of the Book of Ezekiel did their work to light supplied by a Leyden jar.

Ben-Yehudah, the father of modern Hebrew, probably needed to borrow and adapt many words from the Biblical Hebrew that had no modern equivalent. Electricity, like other modern discoveries, posed a problem for the revival of an old language, having not advanced much from its Biblical format since ancient times. In an effort to equate terms and words better, the word Chashmal, originally meant as the fossilized resin called amber, became the word used to describe the phenomena that was long associated with that particular stone. After all, the Greeks had already made the association part of their language and it seemed fitting to do the same for Hebrew. The association of Chashmal to electricity, rather than to amber itself is not made by Ezekiel, but by Ben-Yehudah. I hardly imagine today’s Orthodoxy calling Ben-Yehudah a prophet!

Retrofitting

Orthodox Jews believe that each and every word of the Torah is divine, perfect, and eternal; being full of science, history, spirituality, and moral value. The Torah is the word of God, and that word contains all things. Therefore, when they see the word Chashmal used by a 6^th century B.C. prophet, they assume that space-time and context no longer apply, and the modern Hebrew meaning was, in fact, within the original intent of Ezekiel.

This type of interpretation is called ‘retrofitting’ a new meaning into old words. It is similar to many forms of Biblical exegesis where prophecies are concerned. Words and phrases can be twisted out of their plain meaning to fit almost any interpretation. In our case, the assumption that the ancient Jews, and probably everyone else by that time, knew about electricity, is contradicted by the context of Ezekiel’s vision, the conveyance of that vision, and the obvious fact that no knowledge of the inner workings of electricity (or amber for that matter) were ever proven to be available to those cultures. If they didn’t know the various and intricate details of amber or how it came to be, then how could they know that much about electricity, something they couldn’t touch or analyze?

Retrofitting is not only a Biblical problem. In psychology, this kind of association might be akin to projection, where one interprets each and every event or circumstance solely upon one’s own intents and motives, thus ignoring the most probable cause of such events. As an adult, I may be angry at something my parents did or said to me when a child, but until I ask them their motive, I will always be interpreting the event according to my own desires of it. For the religious mind, any idea that contradicts the divinity of their belief is heresy, and any new idea must be incorporated within the existing dogma to keep the dogma true at all costs. This is why the Bible thumpers follow close on the heels of modern science, taking bits and pieces of every cosmological model and attempting to fit each theory into the Creation story.

There are much simpler and reasonable explanations for things than offered by mysticism. We should get beyond thinking that our ancestors were supermen, angels, or any more or less divinely inspired than we are today. They probably made heroes out of ‘retrofitted’ fools, too, and there is no reason to assume that they were endowed with special knowledge or insight equivalent to or beyond what we possess today.

“The greatest thing a human soul ever does in this world is to see something and tell what it saw in a plain way. Hundreds of people can talk for one who can think, but thousands can think for one who can see. To see clearly is poetry, prophecy and religion, all in one.” (John Ruskin, 1819 - 1900)

An Ark in the Dark

Children playing near the base of Mt. Ararat

"Besides learning to see, there is another art to be learned - not to see what is not." (Maria Mitchell, 1818-1889, American Astronomer)

Jive Turkey?

The other night I had a conversation with someone concerning archaeology and the Biblical record. This person claimed that Noah’s Ark was found on Mt. Ararat, but that the Turkish government has closed off the site and refuses to publicize the findings or exhibit them for fear of having masses of foreign non-Muslim pilgrims invading their borders, and/or degrading the site where the Ark is reputed to have been discovered. There was also the claim that the area around Mt. Ararat is threatened by Kurdish rebels, and therefore not safe to visit. I do not know if the story is true, but before I even begin to look for answers, there are a whole lot of questions I have ask first. One cannot just make assumptions without getting the background on the whole story, and without that background, how do you know the idea makes any sense at all?

It is ironic that so much evidence of major Biblical events remains lacking, considering all the attention that has been paid to them these last 2000 years. It makes sense that anyone who has such evidence would come forth immediately. Now, why would the government of Turkey hide such a find? Moreover, why wouldn’t the scientist who discovered what could be the greatest piece of evidence for the Great Flood ever found, not publicize it? Can you imagine how much money the American Christians would be willing to pay for even a sliver of that ship? Does one think that the Turkish government is so honest and uncorrupted as to not wish to profit from such a find? In fact, such a discovery would make Turkey a foreign policy darling overnight, not to mention all the billions of dollars that would come from tourism to the country. The Turks are not as backward as some might imagine. The Egyptians, who are much more radical in their distaste for western society, have no problem making lots of money showing off Cheops, so why would I believe some crazy story about the Turks deliberately hiding artifacts?

One would also think that the Turks, if the story were true, would only need one reason not to display the Ark or allow visits, yet there seem to be at least three, and two of them, as I have shown, make no sense at all. The third, I cannot confirm or deny.

(UPDATE! Facts about Mt. Ararat: On 1st of November 2004 Ararat Mountain and surroundings were declared as the 35th National Park of Turkey by the Government so it's believed that it will attract more visitors and help to the local economy as well. Ararat is a dormant volcano, whose peak is 1565 metres above sea level. The last probable eruption may have occurred in 1840. The upper 3^rd is always covered in ice and snow. It seems that Mt. Ararat is not off limits to anyone, and the Turkish government is actually encouraging visits to boost tourism.

http://www.worldatlas.com/webimage/countrys/asia/trlarge.htm

On this map one can also see that Mt. Ararat is far to the north for it to be contested by the Kurdish rebels. Former unrest was in disputes with Russia, which have long since been settled. This is why we skeptics do our homework. We’re finicky about facts. So much for the conspiracy theories.)

Going Underground

This reminds me of the story told in yeshivas which claims that the vessels from the Second Temple (and possibly the 1^st) are now cached in the basement of the Vatican, hidden for all time. It appears that we Jews must believe that there is a grand conspiracy to erase any authentic piece of evidence that confirms our history in order to cope with its loss. Yet, why would these conspirators hide the very same evidence that would also vindicate their own claims to divinity, which, in case no one noticed until now, are based on the authenticity of Judaism? By bringing forth these artifacts, the Vatican would reveal itself as friendly, not to mention all the money it could make off the exhibit and scientific inquiry! I have never known the Roman Catholic Church to turn down the chance to make lots of money and/or prove the naysayers, skeptics, or heretics wrong. They have done so with the Ossuary and Shroud of Turin, going to great lengths to create artifacts and exaggerate controversy for publicity and money. I see no logical reason the Catholic Church would hide anything. They have never had any shame in that regard until now, and to assume that they have kept these things secret for over 2000 years, a period older than the Roman Church itself, is nonsense. If they had it, we’d already be sick of hearing about it.

Another sort of proof of this comes from the Second World War. Had Hitler known of such treasures, and it is likely that he would have, since many Nazis were close with the higher-ups in the Roman Church, he certainly would have made a spectacle of his find, rubbing the noses of the Allies, Jews, and everyone else in his triumph. Hitler, may his name be erased and forgotten, would never have passed up the chance to show his dominion over the Jews, and would have yearned to mimic the exploits of the Caesar who carried the Vessels and the Ark of the Covenant off to Rome in ancient times. Yet, this didn’t happen either.

Cycling

I realize that there are always going to be holes in archaeological record, much as we have in the fossil record. It is a given that there most likely will not be hard evidence for or against some the claims of Biblical historicity. I am okay with that. So how then, do I decide what is believable and what isn’t? By what criteria to I decide for myself that evidence, or excuse for lack thereof, is substantial enough to believe? This really boils down to my view and interpretation of history overall. It is not a complicated process, and it relies on something we (and most others mammals) use every day to sort out the world around us. It is called ‘pattern recognition’.

I will illustrate how I use this by debunking a claim used to confirm the Revelation at Sinai.

Religious Jews claim that they know that God revealed Himself on Mt. Sinai in the same way that we know that George Washington was once president of the United States. To them it is simply a matter of history being passed down from one generation to another. At first glance, its not a bad comparison, but it falls apart under the scrutiny of pattern recognition. (There is not one shred of evidence to support the claim that 2.5 million people were ever there at anytime for any reason. If there were, I might not be a heretic, and this wouldn’t be an issue.)

Pattern recognition means that early man was able to piece together events in his surroundings that behaved in cycles, and learned how to adapt his own behavior to those cycles. So, this recognition of migration patterns, the seasons, tides, and other natural phenomena became useful tools for man’s survival. Pattern recognition is the fundamental principle behind science and history as well, and I apply it freely where no evidence proves it an untenable assumption to make.

History repeats itself. The human being, whether acting alone or in large groups, still behaves pretty much the same way he did 6500 years ago. We have no reason to assume that the physiology and accompanying psychological make-up of humanity has changed one bit over recorded history. We witness the same sort of tyrants, despots, wars, slavery, lusts, greed, and petty hatreds today that we have seen throughout our short history, this in spite of all our noble efforts to put those horrible traits to rest. The cycle continues. There are few one-time events in human history, because we are all wired alike and prone to the same sort of pitfalls and societal disasters.

When the believer tells me that this ‘one-time only and never seen before or after event’ of Mt. Sinai is historical because it mimics the way we know about George Washington, I then apply the process to it. We know that countries undergo colonialism and political turmoil, often ending up changing governments and electing new leaders. There are few, if any, nations on the planet that can lay claim to not having this happened. It is an event that is repeated over and over, and all over. So, if you tell me that there was a revolution in a certain country and that a specific leader arose from the revolt, I have no reason to doubt the event, even though I may not have all the details. I still know that it is something the people do and reasonable to accept.

With the Great Flood or the Revelation at Sinai, however, these are claimed to be one-time and non-repeatable events, and therefore, without hard evidence to support the claim, the belief is based on a very weak hearsay. There are no other events to compare them, so we can make no real assessment of their possibility let alone the details on who, when, or where. If I don’t apply some standard to evaluating historical claims, in these cases based on what’s most likely or reasonable, then I am apt to believe anything that comes my way. It is this same pattern recognition that I also use to debunk the claims of conspiracy on the parts of governments or individuals to withhold evidence of Biblical history or supernatural occurrences. None of it makes any sense.

Men Overboard!

There are various flood stories from around the globe and at different periods. It seems that Nature inflicts the same sort of catastrophe on everybody at one time or another. Believers claim that since there are similar stories of a flood covering the entire Earth, and only few surviving to replenish the planet, then it must be true because everyone seems to agree on the basic gist of the story without ever having communicated with one another.

Once again, we go back to pattern recognition to sort this out. Have most seaside, lakeside, riverside, and monsoon-region cultures suffered massive flooding, tidal waves, or tsunamis? Did these ancient cultures see what they believed to be their entire world destroyed by water? Was there massive death and suffering? Did the possibility of that catastrophe leave an indelible impression on the people? Could it have become the stuff of legend? Were the various peoples of the same basic physiological and psychological constitution, and susceptible to the same fear and worries? Absolutely! So, how therefore, in the absence of hard evidence, can one claim a world-wide one-time event based upon the fact of a similar story when the core explanation of the story itself could be attributed to localized, every-day sort of causes that do not require a global event.

Keeping It Real

Reality is not something that we always have a handle on. Even in physics, the Uncertainty Principle pits our ability to know against our interaction with the natural world. Yet, our lack of knowing some things should never translate into the blind acceptance of all things improbable, especially when accompanied by lack of hard evidence or based a method of discovery not suitable for testable, repeatable every-day events.

Personally, I don’t see much point in arguing over details if the events themselves are improbable, lack evidence, and/or can be explained in natural terms. Being able to whip the up the necessary skepticism of supernatural claims when needed is a healthy thing, and can save loads of time and effort. As everyone knows, I’m all about laziness.

"Skepticism is the chastity of the intellect." (George Santayana, 1863-1952)

Pikuach Nofesh

Silo the Cat and His Big Lazy Yawn

“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” (Plato, 427 BC - 347 BC)

I endure a decent amount of criticism for preaching the ‘Gospel of Laziness’ and extolling its many virtues, yet I am by no means a sedentary person. I work an incredibly active and physical 50–60 hour work week, lift weights, practice yoga, write, and bicycle over 120 miles per week back and forth from work. How can anyone so active advocate inactivity? Why do I talk one way and do another? Why am I such a hypocrite?

As Shakespeare would say “Me thinks he doth protest too much.”

It pretty much boils down to my upbringing. I was not raised with many of the conventional luxuries that other children have today. My childhood was literally consumed by three monumental and overbearing tasks: Limud HaTorah, Tefilo B’Kavana ub’Zmano, and shverre arbet. There was nothing else. My socialization was patterned much after my own father’s childhood, coming from the Byelorussian shtetl, where hard work, worry, and religion ruled the psyche. My life was a never-ending and very busy cycle of doing and doing more, with the few breaks from this marathon coming only when I could escape the watchfulness of Tatte or Rebbe, sometimes by seeking refuge in fresh kichelach from Bubbe’s kitchen, or reading by flashlight at the top of the stairs after everyone else was fast asleep. Sometimes I would lay awake in bed and imagine things being different than they were, and wake up the next morning to the disappointment of the same monotonous routine.

It did not help matters any that my father o’h was the most taciturn of men. He had few words for anyone and even fewer for his one and only son. I don’t ever remember him asking me how I was feeling, or if I needed help. He must have assumed that if I didn’t make any requests there was nothing amiss. I learned never to ask for help because I assumed that since none was ever offered that there was none to be had. The positive side is that my father wasn’t rigidly overbearing or a control freak in an overt or aggressive manner. Though he was careful of my outward behavior and wary of my predilection for reading fremde zachen, once I adapted to his passive-aggressive parenting style, it became easy to work around it. As long as I gave him no outward reason for suspicion, he made no efforts to subdue my wanderings. This afforded me the only luxury I ever knew, autonomy.

There are other and less psychologically prominent events that were missing from my childhood. As I don’t remember spending much time having fun, I also remember the general attitude as to what purpose, if any, fun would serve. Play was at best tolerated, and though I was able to swim, boat, and run wild for a few minutes each day during summer camp, overall the attitude was that playtime was merely an outlet for shpilkes, and not anything important in and of itself. Playtime was for babies, girls, or shotim, and an Ohev Hashem should have no distractions from limud and tefila. Nothing is worse than Bitul Zman, they say. I remember the other bochurim looking forward to Nitul Nacht so that they could openly play chess all night, but even that I couldn’t enjoy, though most probably it was because my game wasn’t all that remarkable. I’m not sure that even now I know how to unleash myself into fun, and it still seems that I have to be busy with something or be creative even when relaxing. That is why gardening, exercise, and writing have become luxurious necessities for me. They look like work, but I call it ‘fun’, since to me, fun without purpose is still wasting time.

People wonder why I daydream about doing nothing and being lazy, and now they should know why. My whole life has been work and more work with sense of purpose, with brief respites at various points along the way. My friends seldom call me for parties and gatherings. Yet, when they need something fixed or something moved, they know that Shlomo the Dependable is the fellow who gets the job done, and wastes no time in doing it. The world believes that I am so serious that I cannot enjoy anything, and now I see that they are, in part, quite correct. My idea of relaxation and fun is not anything like theirs, and as I witness the easy merriment of their good times, I am a little bit hurt that I cannot share their joy as much as I think I should. I suspect they have known me better than I have known myself for some time now.

People who interact with me on a daily basis may see me as grouchy and somewhat moody, but that isn’t really the case. Things are the same now as when I was younger, where I adapted by keeping my emotions to myself and remaining as low-key about my pleasures or pains as possible to avoid scrutiny. Perhaps that is why I took on purposeful, difficult, and quieter endeavors, since others wouldn’t dare follow me to see what I’m up to. My persona reveals nothing of the pain or the joy that I might be capable of. It just is as it is. I am one who keeps things bottled up and copes with my emotions in a Stoic and rational way. Wearing my heart on my sleeve is not what I envision for myself, and were it not for writing, I would have no means of expressing the passion that lurks behind these sad and determined eyes.

The psychological benefits of play cannot be understated. I have seen my cats transform from lonely and secretive creatures into loving and gregarious beasts through my attention and constant playfulness with them. I have seen the faces of children in 3^rd World, whose sufferings preclude any mirth they might have hidden beneath their scowls and bitter frowns. I have also seen and heard the joy of children in screeching reverie, running headlong into swimming pools and flowered meadows, having no thought or background emotion to slacken their impish enthusiasms. No double-blind studies or statistical analyses are needed to prove to me the efficacy of idle and meaningless playtime, though hundreds are readily available. I only wish I could do more than observe it from afar.

My father o’h may be dead, but the effect of being his son is alive and well. I do not miss him at all, and I am even sometimes angry with him. I realize, however, that he was blindly passing on to me that dysfunction which was passed onto him by others, and I do have some mitgefil and rachmones for him. I do miss what might have been, had Time allowed the opportunity to leave nothing unsaid between us. In retrospect, it is disquieting to know that my father and I were always strangers. Yet, I would not trade knowing him better in an imaginary future for the self-awareness that I gained through our divergent pasts. I only wish that he would have had more fun in his life. He must have been so tired. How sad it is that people cannot enjoy the simplest and easiest of pleasures! I realize now that even my ‘fun’ is becoming work, too, and I am not so much different from the man I have sought not to be.

It is not for nothing that I dream of doing nothing.

“Far from idleness being the root of all evil, it is rather the only true good.” (Soren Kierkegaard, 1813 - 1855)

“Idleness is not doing nothing. Idleness is being free to do anything.” (Floyd Dell)