A Little 'Thank You' Never Hurts

We live in a thankless world. Only misdeeds and mistakes are ever considered and forever remembered. It is not enough for the world to punish you once, they must remind you over and over, and punish you repeatedly for a slight that wasn’t even an offense directed at them personally. Pay what you must and do your time. Make the necessary amends and admit to your failings. Never be fooled, however. You will not find forgiveness or even tolerance. You will always be seen as who you were, and not who you have become. Your punishment is not fit for the crime, but the outrage stemming from it. The outrage never abates.

The world will be always be able to use you for a scapegoat. Whenever the alleged victim needs a fresh, double-dose of sympathy, he/she can always rely on the faint utterance of your name to elicit unquestioned support from the public. Surely, I am every murderer, every scofflaw, and the embodiment of every evil imaginable. There is no good in me. I am totally evil, vile, and barbaric. I have no redeeming qualities or characteristics. I am worse than a raging animal. I am never to be believed or trusted. I am dangerous. So they would have you believe.

In part, they are correct. I have been angry, depressed, and defiant at times. I have made my mistakes. I have also spent years rectifying those mistakes, and have changed the person I was in to the person I am. No one steps forth to offer me credit or thanks. No one sees the changes and nods his or her head in approval. No one watches the hours of self-reflection and meditation, nor has anyone seen the little kindnesses that pervade my daily life. The blinders they wear are their own making. Maybe life is easier for them when they don’t have to reevaluate things. It’s convenient to have absolute good and evil. It does take some effort to sort things out when all one can see is a huge grey area.

I’ve seen others make profound changes in their lives and I am forever grateful they have done so. I have forgiven others for their mistakes. I cannot be any other way. In this respect I must also find a way to forgive a world that cannot relinquish its prejudices, even when all evidence suggests that doing so would provide a real justice. Oh well. More for me to ponder I guess.

So that the world doesn’t remain a totally thankless place, I am going to thank a few million people right now who probably never hear a ‘thank you’ in their day-to-day lives.

A big giant THANK YOU! goes out to:

1) Parents who do the best they can.
2) Anyone who ever holds a door open for someone else.
3) Everyone who leaves pennies at the cash register for the next person who might need it.
4) Anyone who helps and elderly person with their gardening or a heavy bag of groceries.
5) Anyone who feeds a stray animal or cares for it, even for just a day.
6) Anyone and everyone who makes an honest living, works hard, and pays their taxes.
7) Everyone who obeys speed limits.
8) Anyone who ever felt like getting mad, acting out, and didn’t.
9) Everyone who made sincere efforts to rebuild bridges with loved ones and was rejected.
10) Everyone who ever sent money to a charity that feeds the hungry.
11) Anyone who has offered words of comfort or a hug to those in pain.
12) Anyone who lives with depression or anxiety and yet finds the power to continue.
13) Anyone who came out of a bad life or out from prison and took the effort to be a better human being.
14) Anyone who ever kicked substance abuse or cigarettes.
15) Anyone who has acknowledged personal flaws and resolved to do better.
16) Everyone who teaches anything new to anyone at all.
17) Anyone who ever stood up for anyone who wasn’t there to defend themselves, or too small to do so.
18) Anyone who has had definite ideas about the world, good/evil, or right/wrong, etc., and became willing at some point to reevaluate that position.

But most of all…..

19) Thank you, Janice, for being who you are. I owe you more than I could ever repay in love, money, or life.

There are likely hundreds of things I missed here. Forgive me for not listing them all. I think we really need to begin thanking people for the things they do in life. Those things go unnoticed by the media, by the government, and by most people. Many people thing it's your responsibility and should not require thanks. I disagree. Everyone of you who does any of the above mentioned acts makes this world a kinder and better place, and for what it’s worth, I thank you, even if no one else will.

As for those among us who see retribution and revenge as permanent solutions to everything, I have to express to them my sorrow. I feel sorry for those people. They are missing out on the joys of healing wounds and mending fences. They have no vision of joyful reunion or peaceful resolution. Their lives are consumed in anger.

Make it your job today to thank someone who goes sometimes un-thanked for doing what they do each and every day. Gratitude is a kindness that has powerful effects on the world. A person, when thanked for doing a kindness or making an effort to be better, will work even harder, knowing that his or her efforts are being noticed and appreciated.

Now you know why I become so frustrated.

Kol Tuv

Teshuvah? Don't Even Bother

I am slowly learning that there is no forgiveness in this world, no matter how strongly one endeavors to make sincere amends. There is no room for the repentant, no place for a change of heart, and never enough done to right a wrong. Yesterday’s misdeeds are etched forever in causation, and no one will ever let you forget it.

It isn’t enough to become ehrlich, tzu zeyn ibergegeben, or to be compassionate toward others. It is not enough to admit to past aveyros and seek Tikun. Din is not midah kneged midah in this world. It is much more. Breaking a rule once will forever entomb you in a sort of eternal infamy. There is no cheyn, no rachamim, and no teshuvah. Your motives for teshuvah remains as suspect as your fall from kedusha. You can never return to innocence or into the graces of others.

So be it. Such a world I am tired of fighting anyhow.

I bid you all a fond farewell. I would have liked to have known some of you better, but time has run out.

Kol Tuv

A Reader Bears His Soul

This is a letter received from an anonymous Boro Park resident via e-mail. I promised to maintain his anonymity, so parts of the letter have been edited out. I think he speaks for many of those, including myself, who were unhappy with the base materialism that forces the average Jew to spend well beyond his means for arbitrary social niceties, where Halacha does not require such extreme expenditures.

His words are italicized.

Hope all is well. I really enjoy your blog, and would like to tell you my story. My name is **** ********** and I live in Boro Park. I moved to BP from Brighton Beach. My dream was to live in a heimishe neighberhood. As you can tell from my last name that I am a 'chassidishe einekel'. Although I was brought up 'modern-chareidi' and went to yeshivashe schools, I appreciated and longed for the 'varmth' of the chassidishe world. In 1974 I went to Israel to search for the 'Holy Grail'. During that summer, I went to all types of yeshivas as diverse as Ohr Somayach and Toldos Aharon (Reb Ahrelech).

I ended up in the Breslov Yeshiva in Jerusalem. There was an American Breslover rabbi (he was clean-shaven) who was teaching American yeshiva boys. I flipped head over heals for Breslov. The main reasons were as follows: a. I was able to dress the way I wanted (nobody pressured you to change) b. Reb Nachman’s teaching to be b'simcha all the time, and c) the humility of the Breslovers and the emphasis that god desires a broken heart – “lev nishba vnidca elohim lo sivza.”

Well, I moved to BP in 1987 and started davening in the Breslov Shul on 16 Av. Many chassidim from Israel who were collecting for Hachnassas Kalla davened in the shtiebel. I got very close to one of the older Israeli chassidim and offered to help him collect on Purim night. As we were driving around, I asked him if he was close to having all the expenses for the wedding. His answer was that all of the expenses were, thank G-d, taken care of except for the matonos (gifts). So I asked him B'tmimus (like the tamavate that I was), “You mean getting a Shas and a new Talis for your future son-in-law, right?” He looked at me like I was from the planet Mars and answered that he has to get that plus cuff-links, menorah for Chanuka, Megilla for Purim, fancy Esrog box for Sukkas etc. etc. ad nauseum.

I was very depressed that evening. What kind of a mentally-challanged society do we have that can do this to a poor g'preigelte Yid ????

I then started looking outside the religion, and have found many non-Jewish and non-religious friends. I plan to tell my wife next week that I am not religious anymore. I don't know how she will react or if I will be telling my children. I am working with a therapist and taking things one step at a time. I have so much more to say but I think that's it for now.

Please feel free to discuss these issues on your blogs (as long as you keep my anonymity).

Wishing you both the very best’

I remember being in the same situation when I was a chosson. My personal tastes gravitate toward the simple and uncommon. For me to be carrying around the same farputzde tallis zekel or esrog box as everyone else would be degrading, so I exempted my future shverr from purchasing anything of that nature for me. He did purchase a Shas for me, but I exchanged it for a Kehasi Mishnayos and a couple extra tallis kotons. I already had a well-worn Shas of my own, filled with notes and questions along the margins. I still shop for myself and really dislike it when others shop for me without my consent. I’d prefer to spend my own money and be happier with the purchase. I was already very much put off by the commonality and materialism the engulfed my chaverim and the insistence of their future wives on amenities and luxuries these guys couldn’t possibly afford.

There are all this little ‘minhagim’ that the rich can do because they are rich. The rest of us try our damnedest to mimic them, going through all kinds of twists and turns to look like we have something to show off. Why must a family go into debt or have to beg when the Torah does not require that kind of expense? What kind of lazy schnorrer is this fellow’s daughter going to marry that he can’t even pick out his own tallis zekkel? Or that he insists that such insane demands be met? Should the man not be man enough to purchase his own Megillah? Cufflinks? Where in Shulchan Aruch is that required? Have we gone mad?

I agree with the writer, though I don’t think this is a valid excuse to run off from Yiddishkeit altogether. About 90% of the world is phony anyhow. There isn’t much truth in advertising anywhere. Mr. ***** ******, as much as I echo his sentiments, should simply find those people who are truly sincere, associate with them, and ignore the others. That is hard work no matter what religion or philosophy one follows, but it’s worth losing a million fair-weather acquaintances in order to gain one good friend.

There are so many sincere, honest, and truly spiritual people in Boro Park and everywhere else. Not everyone is so materialistic, even when many in the community seem to worship it. The people that feel they have to “keep up with the Halberstams” or need to put on a show, should be welcome to do so, but please Reb ****** ****! Do not blame Yiddishkeit for the problem. It’s not exclusive to Judaism.

“To live content with small means, to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion. To be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not rich, to study hard, think quietly, talk gently, act frankly, to listen to stars and birds, to babes and sages, with open heart, to bear all cheerfully, do all bravely, await occasions, hurry never, in a word to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common, this is to be my symphony.” (William Henry Channing)

Humor con Carlin

Sometimes comedians say it best. Here are a few recent remarks from the ever-preachy but still funny George Carlin. (No relation to the Stolin-Karlin Dynasty.)

On Illegal immigration:

“Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington And they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.”

On the Constitution of Iraq:

“They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.”

On Public displays of religion:

"The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse? You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment!"

Why Didn't More Jews Fight Back?

Jewish Partisans from WW2

(This was originally posted as a comment on Also A Chussid. Please visit there for the entire discussion. It’s a very good one. This post is more involved than my comment there.)

WHY DID SO MANY NOT FIGHT BACK?

War is never a safe bet. To be sure, fighting back didn’t guarantee survival and offering no resistance did not always mean certain death. There are no rules when it comes to the fates of war. We are trying to make sense of something that has never made sense, that being the hatred of Jews, or the wars that mankind insists upon waging in spite of knowing its horrible consequences. How mankind is able to envision life without war as being worse than the alternative is beyond me.

My grandparents escaped from Europe before anyone ever heard of Nazism or Shitler. They ran from poverty and from the random violence and persecution that existed for centuries in Eastern Europe. Anti-Semitism in Europe was not a new phenomenon. My bubbe o’h lost her parents and eight brothers in a single night during a pogrom in Odessa, where her father was a prominent fish merchant. They always knew what the goyim were waiting to do to them, given the chance. There was no rule of law or will on the part of the government to control these pogroms. It did not matter whether you lived under communism or under monarchy. As a Jew, life was pretty much the same. You never forgot your 'place'.

In Western Europe, despite financial success and modernization, there was still a pervasive, institutional anti-Semitism. What did Jews do? Jews were thankful for it! They looked to (or sometimes down at) Eastern European brethren and were thankful that at least there were no riots, no shuls being burned, and no Cossacks running wild through the cities. The worst thing that could happen to a Freud or an Einstein, pre-Hitler, would be that they would not be allowed to teach in certain schools, or would be passed up for promotions because of their heritage, and as clever people, we Jews always found a way to work around those conditions.

The Jew in Germany did not see it coming. The German Jew was hopeful. He had neighbors and friends who were enlightened. He loved his country, and perhaps even fought for it in the 1^st World War. He felt himself German enough and he hoped that his loyalty would at least tear away from him the stigma of ‘Juden’. The German Jew wanted a better life. That’s all. His hope made him a little too naive, and his moderate success made him reluctant to leave it behind. For the rest of Western Europe's Jews, the acquittal and reinstatement of Dreyfus brought much hope for that positive change by exposing the extent of anti-Semitism and seeking judicial and social remedy. (Thank you Mr. Zola!)

The question remains as to why the Eastern European Jews, in light of their experience, didn’t sense what was happening. There are a few good explanations, and all are true. Firstly, when war starts in Europe in 1939, no one was shocked by it. Europeans were always at war with somebody somewhere and each other. Jews, unfortunately, have always been in the middle, and able to not only to survive, but even make a profit from remaining neutral. So we Jews, as my uncle Yosef o’h, used to say, prepared for the worst and hoped for the best. Their mistake with Shitler, was severely underestimating what his ‘worst’ would be.

Now, why would they make that mistake? I had always wondered about it until it was explained to me by Mrs. G, one of the few survivors from the massacre of Stolin and the surrounding shtetlach. As she explained, during the 1^st World War there were Russians, Poles, Ukrainian militias, Cossacks, and various independent mercenary groups or bandits that raided towns, farms, and villages regularly. Even among the military ranks, there was little if any discipline, so rapes, murders, and drunken riots were commonplace. The Jews would either hide, or bargain for their safety when they could. It was anarchy. On Monday, the Polish were in charge and on Tuesday the Russians took over. Wednesday brought the Ukrainians. Different flags. Same assholes.

When the Germans invaded Poland and Russia, it was a breath of fresh air for the Jews of Stolin. The Germans were not the unwashed, undisciplined, and uncultured brutes that the Jews of the shtetl were used to. As much as the Western Allies portrayed the German soldier as evil, the German infantry was actually professional and well behaved in comparison to their Russian and Polish counterparts. Discipline was always enforced. German soldiers displayed a sense of honor. There were also many Jews in that German army. In effect, there was more peace and order under the Germans of World War One than under any government that preceded or followed them! The people of Stolin, in 194o, thought these might be the same Germans they encountered two decades before. They were wrong.

Add to this the time and place. Communication was still in its infancy, and news in most towns didn’t happen until it walked down the main thoroughfare. When news came, it was either too late to worry, or wasn’t believed at all. So much news ended up being nothing more than rumor. The listener would wait until someone else could corroborate the story or that the story, much like Mohamed’s mountain, would come to him. Of course, depending on the story, it could be too late to react. This was the experience of my ex-shverr (father-in-law) who escaped from lager and began to travel through Poland and the Ukraine, warning Jews of what the Nazis had planned for them. In his words, “I couldn’t believe that they wouldn’t believe me.” He had seen his father hung upside-down, and beaten with steel bars by the local fascists while the SS stood around and laughed. He assumed that his mother and sister also perished that same day. Yet, 50 miles to the east, the unsuspecting Jews would not believe his story.

Add to these first two explanations this third and final factor. Shitler kept things secret. The war fought in the open was merely a cover for his real plan. Even the goyim had no idea what was going on until it was too late. Fact is, the Nazis had a brilliant propaganda machine, and enough complicit assistance from the locals to keep it secret for long enough that Jews wouldn’t have time to prepare for flight or a counter attack, if that was ever possible. The combination of speed and secrecy worked well for the Nazis.

There is no one reason we can point to and say, “This is why!” We have to live or die with all of the possible explanations. There are likely to be a 1000 more reasons why it happened as it did. Like AAC, I will fight. There is no reason NOT to. If they have come with weapons and malice, then no cajoling, no negotiation, and no amount of pleading will divert their intents from upon you. In the meantime, we fight by bringing awareness to violence, racism, and genocide so that it is never, ever kept secret.

NEVER AGAIN!

Da Gangsta Gotz Ta Go!

Soon enough, we will be enduring another mayoral election in Detroit and, as history dutifully repeats itself, there are no less than four to ten candidates vying for the position. With the exception the current mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick, the other candidates have basically the same exact message of “Get rid of Kwame!” There are several websites and blogs dedicated to the cause. There will be no shortage of mudslinging in this race. I know that candidates like to ‘hold themselves above the fray’, and that sounds nice when speaking at the First Baptist Church, but reality kicks in once the sermons are over. I suspect this race will eventually look like the front row of a Gallagher concert.

It is not as if there aren’t any number of serious issues for the candidates to tackle, but they are so obvious and so profound that mentioning them over and over gets lost in the pre-electoral chaos. Eventually, we the people, hear the same thing every day; honesty in government, more police, more teachers, more jobs, better municipal services, cooperation with state and federal agencies, blah blah, etc., and the list goes on. You can guess the rest. Detroit has 1000s of real problems. People have lost hope in politics and big promises, and I predict that they won’t care enough to make a regime change. I would love to be wrong about that, but I look around and apathy stretches to the horizon (well, at least up to the suburbs.)

The Big Problem

Public enemy #1 is money or, should I say, the lack of it. The city of Detroit is just plain broke. Coupled with the inability of the city to collect taxes and municipal fees, Detroit has been bleeding jobs and residents for 30 years, and if the downswing in the auto industry continues, things won’t be getting any better. To complicate matters, the western side of the state, a Republican stronghold that dominates Michigan politics, doesn’t not care one bit about the city. Why should they? There is no constituency for them here. The federal government, under the most fiscally irresponsible president (Booo!) in history, has cut block grants to the states, and much of that funding would have gone to fix inner city blight and boost social programs.

This not a problem that KK created on his own. Though he inherited a surplus from his predecessor, Dennis Archer, no one could have predicted the swift fall of the economy after 9-11, and the fresh audacity of state Republicans to thwart the efforts of a newly- elected Democratic governor. Detroit is taking a fiscal beating, and will likely end up in receivership, which probably is the plan of state Republicans anyhow. This way they will have even more control over funding than they have already, and also be able to finally break the city unions at the same time.

Gangsta Mayor

However, KK doesn’t help matters by flashing around high-profile city paid vehicles, or providing large security details for his family and friends. What exactly are they afraid of? He doesn’t engender trust by bringing many of his crooked high school chums into the administration, and he certainly does no good playing the ‘Gangsta’, with the many vacations and the various women he is rumored to be sleeping around with. (For a little ‘booty’ action you, too could land a job with the city. This information comes former members of his security detail.) He doesn’t engender confidence when proposing shady budgets, back door deals with his cronies, or constantly threatening lay-offs of crucial city employees when he doesn’t get his way in other matters. His continued payment of salaries to incompetent former police chiefs is also well known. (How does it help the city to pay a man, $104,000 per year for a job that he doesn’t do? Let’s not forget this same man had a bogus degree, and a criminal record going back many years.)

For the record, I liked KK when he ran for mayor. He is big, good-looking , educated, well-spoken, and has a wonderful family. I thought, “Maybe it’s time we elected a school teacher?” The ‘hip-hop’ mayor brought the political connections of family, his powerful personality, and some enthusiasm to the city. He disdained the assistance and oversight of state and federal agencies, saying that “Detroit doesn’t need no outsiders”, and that the city’s problems could be worked out from within. KK is very sociable and classy, that is, until he is placed under scrutiny. Then his self-assured demeanor falls away and is replaced with pushing, shoving, and threatening tactics, reminiscent of mobsters and drug gangs.

His family is linked to various non-profits that do profit, but only if your last name starts with the letter ‘K’. Mrs. K uses her 24-hour police detail to mow her lawn, babysit her children, and take her to the nail salon or grocery shopping. Daddy K has just built a million dollar home in Naples, Florida with no money down. Sister-in-law K drives on a suspended license, and one of KK’s girl-friends lies on her loan applications and is rewarded for it. Political cronies and friends are exempt form the laws that bind the rest of us. The Kilpatrick family has turned out to be nothing more than a bunch of thugs and opportunists, using the lack of oversight they promoted to loot the coffers of a dying city.

I want the entire Kilpatrick Family to go away. Maybe Crawford, Texas needs some ‘diversity.’ Oh, wait. Crawford already has one crook too many. Darn.

I am starting to miss Coleman Young. Again. What ever happened to the ‘honest’ crooks?