Update!

Update!

I would like to thank everyone who offered their best wishes and I hope that everyone had a Gmar Chasimah Tovah and a Chag Sameach. I apologize for not blogging much, but I’ve been mentally in a sort of limbo pending the outcomes of some legal/financial matters, not to mention a very busy work/chesed schedule. Thank you for your patience.

As of 10-25-05, I am no longer financially beholden to my ex-wife. It has been a long time coming. I want to thank my attorney, Sandy Melder for his support and professionalism. I also want to thank those special friends and family members who believed in me all along and helped me out when it counted most.

Thank you all so very much.

Fairness is fairness

Let debts be repaid

But to punish for sport is redemption delayed

To be freed of the yoke

Of a burden self-created

Through anger and pride, an ego inflated

Today I walk free

But not free of my flaws

Not free of myself, though free of the Law

There is more to be done

As more amends are pursued

In a life of repair, a life now renewed

Teshuvah in terms of the amends we make to others is not a cause to celebrate. I caused the very thing that required amends. Should I celebrate this as a victory? Have I restored some crucial imbalance in the Universe? Of course not. It’s never equalized or balanced out. Consequences are never fully erased. There is no way to calculate that anyhow. I bear the shame of being myself, and the comfort of some small redemption from my past mistakes. That’s all. Forgiveness I do not have, but I can now take the next step in that direction. I must always remember, however, not to attach myself to outcomes I can have no control over.

The simchah (joy) comes from the effects of such amends on those who witness it in progress. I am always deeply moved by people who can forgive wrongs committed or accept apologies gracefully. There is something in human friendship and kindness that stirs me to joyful tears whenever and wherever I encounter it. The art of performing a chessed or reforming a wrong is a powerful thing.

This is what moves us to be better people.