Ouch! The Back Strikes the Empire

“Sometimes it is harder to deprive oneself of a pain than of a pleasure.” (F. Scott Fitzgerald, 1896 – 1940, from Tender is the Night.)

Last Wednesday, I threw my back out again at work. Every eight months or so, my spine decides to straighten itself out. As you can imagine it’s quite painful. I can barely walk when it hits full-on, but at least I do get warnings from the nerve a few minutes before it decides to worsen and I take measures right away to alleviate my suffering. Sometimes, all that is required a good stretch, which I do every day as part of a normal exercise routine, be it yoga or simply pre-workout warm-ups. Flexibility is crucial. As boxing coach once told me, “You can’t fight when you’re tight”, and I truly believe that if one stretches well, he or she can do most anything and remain pain free.

This isn’t always the case, however. It may be the stretching itself that contributes most to the problem. I’ve discovered that once injured and healed enough times, that the stretching itself can induce the ‘twinges’. If I become afraid to stretch, when what comes next? A former girl friend of mine dislocated a hip while stretching. Ouch! (I dislocated a checking account while dating her. Equally painful, I assure you.)

This occasional yet ever-so-painful back problem started some seven or eight years ago, if I remember correctly. I thought the first time I hurt it that it was because, of course, that I didn’t stretch. Here is a good piece of advice: do not self-diagnose whenever possible. In my case, I became totally convinced after doing much research that my back issue was from my sciatica, and caused by tight hamstrings and glutes. This was surprising to me since I had always been very diligent in keeping them as loose as possible. I come to find out now that it may be due to a combination of high stress and over tightened lat muscles. The lat muscles pull on the hips and this is throwing my tailbone out of alignment just enough to set off the nerve and straighten out my spine.

My normal recovery time is four to six days. In past times, I would strap on my OSHA regulation back brace, imbibe copious amounts of non-drowsy pain killers (usually Alleve), and do my best to continue working through the day. I would take long breaks to bend myself back into a correct posture, but that only helped for a few minutes. That strategy really never works, but the tough-guy in me couldn’t wimp out in front of the rest my crew. I’m glad I didn’t try it this time around.

So, on Wednesday morning at 10:00 am, when the pain hit for the first time, I quit working and headed straight for home. Sitting in a car when the nerve decides to flair up is probably the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. Even when my back is in good order and pain-free I need to stuff a rolled-up towel in between the small of my back above the right hip and the car seating. That prevents whatever it is that begins to shift from shifting further. I sought out a massage therapist that evening and within a few minutes was walking and sitting without any pain at all. I went back to her again on Friday night and she worked out a little more of the tightness in my upper back.

It’s a week since the first sign of trouble and I still am having some pain, but I’m moving around just fine, working, and hitting the gym as usual, though not with the same ferocity as before. I’ve been through this cycle of pain and uncertainty every year for the last seven years and I think I’ll survive. It’s just really aggravating. The worst part is how it occupies the mind and distracts one from the normal routine. I have to look for a better way to handle this next time it occurs. I get completely flustered when my expected schedule doesn't work, and that stress just makes the whole lumbar debacle that much more painful.

I am the lucky one in the family as far as back problems go. My brother, Mike, has back problems I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy (even if I were to have an enemy.) The poor guy has four ruptured discs. I’m counting my blessings in comparison to that! Fortunately, his job (computer geek extraordinaire) doesn’t demand the sort of heavy maneuvering or dexterity that mine often requires.

“It's odd that you can get so anesthetized by your own pain or your own problem that you don't quite fully share the hell of someone close to you.” (Lady Bird Johnson)

Bernie Sanders for Senate

The fact is that the Democratic Party, for all its blustering about democracy, is neither Democratic or much of party these days. Most of our favored elected representatives are corporate bought-and-payed-for by special interests, and are only interested in maintaining the status quo. If you want to know why nothing ever changes in Washington D.C. or why it always seems to change in favor of those who don’t need any favors, one can always follow the money back to its original source. It is a tragic state of affairs that has reached its zenith within these last Republican-dominated years, but is by no means limited to any one political party, nor has it just appeared in the last few decades. The struggle to curb the influences of wealth on the political process are centuries old. Recent efforts to limit legalized political corruption, i.e. McCain-Feingold, have been essentially gutted of any real substantive measure by those who continue taking full advantage of political power for personal financial gain. (You didn’t think these bastards would actually sign onto legislation that would, in effect, force them to take a pay cut, did you?)

There is one shining light in the ethical darkness that envelopes American politics today. He is Liberal. He is Progressive. He refuses any and all corporate campaign contributions. He is no friend to the lobbyists. His independence from party hacks and lobbyists allow him to speak honesty and openly about the problems facing average Americans. He supports American Labor. He supports Nationalized Health Care. He talks about issues that matter to all Americans and does not simply regurgitate sound bites or bits of legislation written by and proposed on behalf of wealthy corporations. He is a real man of his own mind. He has been re-elected time and time again by the people of his state. He is one man in Washington that has my unwavering support and admiration. His name is Bernie Sanders.

If you want to advocate for a true voice of the people, by the people, and for the people, please help send Bernie Sanders to the Senate with a small donation to his campaign. He may not be from your state (Bernie is from Vermont) or from your party of choice (Bernie is an Independent), but he will have a say in what happens in this nation, and an opportunity to offset the complacency of a Senate mired in its own desire to maintain a nationally destructive and personally self-serving status quo.

I urge my Liberal/Progressive friends to help get Bernie Sanders elected and begin making real changes to our government, in our lives, and toward how we are perceived around the world. If donations aren’t possible, at least please help us get the word out. (I also urge everyone to support 3^rd party candidates whenever possible. The status quo isn’t working and efforts to make changes from within the two major parties are being thwarted by inter-party cronyism. I do not think it possible to kill the ‘beast’ from within.)

Mr. Sanders regularly appears on the Thom Hartmann Show every Friday as part of Air America’s continued effort to promote Progressive ideals in an overwhelmingly corporo-fascist media environment.

Kol Tuv

Israel's Health Care: A Comparison

Among the many blogs I read, there is one that focuses on Michigan politics that I very much enjoy. The author appears conservative/Republican, but his blog does stick to issues and I find it very thought provoking. He addresses some health care issues here.

There is an interesting discussion brewing over nationalized or socialized medicine in the US. Israel has some good ideas that seem to be working, and though it isn't perfect (what is?), maybe the US needs to think about what other countries are doing right. I have no doubt the insurance executives are having fits over any debate on this subject.

Kol Tuv

Cat In A Bag

I woke up at 3:00 a.m. to do some writing before work and Princess was sleeping on my office chair. I gently pushed her off with a kiss and a hug and placed her on the sofa. She was still quite angry that I moved her from her warm spot. About half an hour later, as I was making my way to the refrigerator, I caught her sleeping inside a heavy-duty clear plastic bag I normally use for my dirty gym clothes. Too precious to pass up!

Princess changes her sleeping places and hiding spots regularly. She keeps them for about a week, gets bored, and seeks out another. She is very weird sometimes; much moreso than other cats I've known.

Revolution & Complacency

“The lust for comfort; that stealthy thing that enters the house a guest; then becomes a host, and then a master.” (Khalil Gibran, 1883-1931)

If I were blogging back in 2000, readers would have been bombarded with the usual, predictable incessant tirades concerning the ‘evils’ of capitalism, corporate abuses, the looting of our treasury, and the widening gap between wealth and everyone else. You would have perhaps dismissed my rambling discourses as the rantings of a disillusioned Trotskyite caught up in the idealistic Marxist fervor over class warfare, robber barons, and social inequity. You would have thought me a ‘conspiracy theorist’ and left-wing whack-job. You might have considered my words and those of others like me, and then, after a moment, returned to your Wall Street Journal editorial page, checked your stock portfolio, and went right back to life, unwilling to accept the possibility that anyone or any group of people could be so laden with Greed as to endanger the entire nation for the sake of profit.

Some of us believed that an administration with business experience would be good for the country. We imagine business-minded people to be the types who roll up their sleeves to tackle the big issues head-on while beads of sweat run off their foreheads. We dreamed about practical-minded and sound fiscal ideals, much the same sort we apply when balancing a checkbook, repairing a leaky faucet, or saving for that rainy day. We were fooled. Twice. The enemies that this administration portrays as enemies might very well be enemies, and while we are focused on those enemies, another enemy, more insidious and deceptive, plies his trade under waving flags, between the pages of Scripture, and from beneath the coffins of our dead brothers and sisters. This enemy has our tacit approval.

These same business-minded folk choose to subsidize already profitable industries and take food from the mouths of children to pay for it. They shift the public wealth into the hands of their cronies and hold private meetings with taxpayer dollars. They turn malfeasance and incompetence into an art form and pat themselves on the back. They sacrifice lives, torture captives, and waste money, and then claim success and victory! The desired results are profit margins and nothing else matters. They hide their personal wealth in offshore accounts to avoid taxation, do business with those they claim are our enemies, and engage in insider trading deals. Their conflicts of interest are not a problem to them. Their ‘conflict’ with our interests, our lives, doesn’t seem to bother them either. Every step of the way, every proposal, every policy, every mandate, every propaganda meeting, etc., has the stench of Greed all over it. Sure, politicians have always been self-serving and unworthy of trust, but this cabal of Greed stands as an icon of archetypical heartless and relentless avarice. They tell us it is all for our own good and we believe them.

It is long past the time for moral outrage. I am steaming mad at them. They, however, are not the focus of my primary concern, at least for the moment. I look at all that is going on and I want to cry because I realize that which we allow may ultimately be what we become. I fear of getting comfortable with things as they are and then making excuses for the status quo, enabling these pin-striped Vikings to continue their raiding and pillaging of the planet while sitting in my armchair and trying not to spill Starbuck’s coffee on the day’s Wall Street Journal.

Trotsky spoke of a ‘perpetual revolution’. Revolution is not always about political or social upheaval. It also relates to vigilance and perseverance on a personal level, an inner mechanism to shield us from the complacency that mutates a people into the very thing we rebelled against from the first. It is not only for balance of power in governance we advance, but a struggle for the conscience of humanity, collectively and individually.

I do not want my own conscience sullied by justifications for what the corporatists do. There may come a brief second when I contemplate some rationale for their crimes. Descartes said “I think; therefore I am.” Though I may disagree with his statement (I prefer Spinoza’s “I am, therefore I think.”), it does seem to apply in this context. If I begin to think as they do, there is a good chance I have already become like them. Hannah Arendt once said, “The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution.” I fear she is correct and that, at least in me, is an unacceptable outcome.

Revolution!

“No real social change has ever been brought about without a revolution. Revolution is but thought carried into action.” (Emma Goldman, 1869-1940)

Bitchin Bout Birthdays

“There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it.” George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950, "Man and Superman" (1903)

As a child I heard it said, “Be suspicious of anyone who does you a favor you neither need nor ask for.” There was a prevailing attitude that most people have ulterior motives for their actions, sometimes based in guilt or, most likely, they are trying to hustle you in the process. This hyperbolic cynicism regarding human interactions is still alive and well, in spite of my acknowledging that this borderline paranoia is often misplaced. I also realized that those who promoted such an attitude were more or less projecting their own inner machinations than offering a true representation of reality. I was doing nice things for others simply out of love or friendship and there were no ulterior motives other than for the happiness of the people I cared about. Why wouldn’t others do the same?

Any woman daring enough to be in a relationship with me will tell you that I am not always the easiest person to live with. In my own mind, I am not too demanding or high maintenance, though I can be a lot of emotional work because of my moodiness. I don’t ask that people fulfill mundane tasks for me i.e. cooking, cleaning, anal sex, money laundering, brain surgery, etc. I do, however, have a list of things that I ask not be done on my behalf, or at least not without my input. I assume that if you love or like someone that you would not insist on doing things for them that they don’t want or like. It’s called respecting the others persons wishes. I also won’t demand anyone leap off buildings or performs miracles on my behalf. Quite the opposite is true! I would be angry if someone did! If one can accomplish such amazing feats, there are others on this planet more in need and more worthy of them than I. Don’t waste it on me. I’m doing fine.

This applies year round. Birthdays included. No excuses.

Now I realize that asking some people not to do something they think is required or nice to do is like asking them to shoot a puppy at point blank range in public. Normal people (I’m not one of those) enjoy what most other people enjoy. There is nothing wrong with that. These people, however, cannot seem to comprehend that during holidays, birthdays, or when I’m just not in the right state of mind for camaraderie, that they need to leave me the f*ck alone. Solitude and quiet is the gift I desire for my birthday. If you care about what I want, especially when considering that it requires only a passive effort on your part and no expenditure, then please do as I ask. Is it that hard?

(Number 1 on my list of things not to do is: Don’t make me enjoy something that I don’t want to enjoy. It is likely that I will end up enjoying it, and then you’ll have made me feel awkward for not having enjoyed it until now. )

I did not have birthday parties growing up. In my family it wasn’t done, and I never missed them. I didn’t go to birthday parties of other kids either. I think those parties are stupid, and nothing more than an excuse to demand unwarranted sacrifices from other people. The mere fact that I have survived for yet another abstract stretch of psychological construct (considering my personality that’s a miracle) does not entitle me to any honors. All I have done is inhale, exhale, and consume consistently enough over the past year to maintain an active level of consciousness.

Now, I don’t mind being remembered once a year by those who seldom see me, and I’m learning to make accommodation for those who love me and those who send money. Birthday parties and gifts are not required. Cards are not really necessary. I don’t need a cake or any stupid party hats. I don’t need any of it. (However, gifts of sex, money, or marijuana are accepted year-round and for any reason.)

For those of you who love me and those who wonder why they love me, thank you for thinking about me and being my friend. There is never a time that I take that love and caring for granted, though these sympathies appear to be forming a disturbing pattern. As one of my friends said, “I’m going to celebrate your birthday just to piss you off!” I get that a lot. It apparently causes a great deal of joy to other people when they can push my buttons. I think I will be spreading a lot of ‘joy’ this year.

Things could be worse.

Doing the 'Nasty' is Nasty?

In Yoinoson Schreiber’s posting “You've Had Quite Enough Already”, Yoinoson brings up a good question regarding the sexual and social boundaries the halacha establishes around sex and intimacy. He asked there that comments be post-card-sized and I obeyed his wishes there. I’d like to give the longer version here. Please read his post.

I don’t know what sort of instruction Orthodox Jewish women receive regarding sex and intimacy from their mechanchim outside of the Laws of Nidus. I don’t know if they get any tips on how to make it pleasurable or how to please themselves and their husbands. I have no idea what ideas religious girls may or may not share amongst themselves. I don’t know if they have sexual fantasies, nor do I believe many of them have any sexual secrets they are hiding from parents or teachers. I just plain don’t know unless somebody tells me, and even then, I’d be very skeptical. Maybe I had a sheltered adolescence.

I do know what I was told about sex, and that amounts to basically nothing outside the religious rules and regulations which, for the most part, force one to do absolutely nothing. There is a Gemara, for example, (someone remind me where it is) that tells of a Tana, upon having to meet his marital obligation (sex with his own wife), behaves as if some evil demon has overtaken his body! I’ve had some pretty strong erections, but I’m not sure I would describe it as a ‘demonic possession.’ What this little passage of Talmud reflects is an attitude toward a man’s sexual desire, even for his own wife, that underlies Orthodox thinking. If you think the Catholics are crazy, try this short list of do’s and don’ts on for size.

1) Masturbation is strictly forbidden. In Hebrew it is referred to as Zera L’vatala, which translates as ‘wasted seed’. If you remember the Monty Python movie song “Every Sperm Is Sacred”, you will understand the gist here. Sex is primarily for procreation. This is also why anal sex, oral sex, and hand jobs are also stricken from the list of Orthodox Jewish sexual acts. If the sperm don’t go where they are supposed to, something is very wrong in Williamsburg. (On the plus side, if it weren’t for masturbation, there would be no Breslover Chasidim.)

2) Sexual thoughts are forbidden. The Gemara says that “one who looks at nakedness, will eventually become impotent.” Even the thought or incidental sighting of anything remotely erotic will doom you to not having your ‘winky’ work when you finally get the chance. (It’s true that one could ‘burn out’ from constant arousal, but catching a glimpse of a fine piece of ass or imagining yourself making love to one of the occasional female commentors on your blog is not what I’d call an addiction. )

3) Wet dreams are a sign of spiritual deficiency. Having a wet dream on Yom Kippur means real trouble. It isn’t enough that your adolescent male body is raging with hormones imposed upon you by the cruel nature that HaShem created you in, but you have to actually feel guilty because of your biology! We blame the toilet because it flushes!

4) Do not sleep on your back or stomach. Either position causes wet dreams. This is true. To date, I have never had a wet dream when awake. Wet dreams, or nocturnal emissions, are not caused by sexual thoughts. I have had more than a few, and the dream parts had no sexual content.

5) One should not hold one’s penis when urinating since that might arouse one to masturbation. This explains the urine stained walls in our mikvahs, and also why Jewish wives hire shikzas to clean the bathroom. Jewish men can aim properly, we’re just not allowed to.

6) A man should approach his wedding bed as one would his death bed. This much I agree with, which is why I avoid marriage at all costs. Now why would anyone say this to a young man approaching his first sexual experience? Do they tell this nonsense to the woman, too?

7) Sexual thoughts during sex negatively effect the health of the child and the purity of its soul. A man should think about Torah during sex. The New Age movement picked up on this little bit of kabalistic nonsense, and started their own version of it. Don’t get me started. Apparently, it’s more important to have the right thoughts while making the child than to have any thoughts about raising it. Once again, it’s all about conception and NOT pleasure.

8) Talking during sex is forbidden. Sex is apparently a mitzvah not to be taken lightly. It’s like a shmoneh esrei of sorts, only quicker. Since it was a mitzvah, I thought of course that my ex-wife, the ‘Machsheyfa Suprema’, would be eager to fulfill it, and often! Oh, wait. It’s not that kind of mitzvah. Sex is a mitzvah ‘sheh haz’man grama’. When is the z’man? Whenever she feels like it. If that happens to be never? Oh well.

9) Sex is a necessary evil. If we could make more Jews without it, all the better. See #1 through #8.

10) Missionary position only! If the woman gets on top that is considered perverse. The man is always on top. No doggy-style either. You will be hitting that booty one way and from only one direction. If you happen to have a copy of the Kama Sutra hidden behind your copy of Bava Kama, please discard it immediately. It won’t do you any good at all.

11) The act of sex is generally considered unclean and one may not pray if one has dried semen on his or her clothes. Women go to the mikveh before sex, but men go to mikveh after sex. If sex weren’t thought to be nasty, then why hit the mikveh? (Technically, a good shower is enough to remove the juices.)

I received no guidance before marriage other than what I gleaned from the Shulchan Aruch, Gemara, Kabala, or Chasidishe bubbe ma’asos. I asked a respected Rov what to expect and if this woman would be right for me and he said (I quote), “Don’t worry. It’s all pink inside.” He was giving me that ‘nod-nod-wink-wink’ sort of look, but he sounded dead serious! I wondered how he would know that being married to the same woman all his adult life. (For you fellows who don’t know it yet, every woman is anatomically different, albeit slightly. If you would follow rule #8 and concentrate on what you’re doing, you’d have noticed.)

Now I know there is lots of talk about how couples should interact and about Orthodox ideas about love and sex that sound very modern and enlightened. I’ve seen all kinds of books by the Chasidic media whores like Shmuel Boteach, and they provide me with a few minutes of humor at best. Let’s remember what the ‘source’ has to say about it, and not believe the spin and hype that the modern day Kiruv movement puts on sexual matters. Those hucksters will do and say anything to keep you interested. If ¾ of the men knew what they were getting themselves into beforehand, Aish HaTorah would have a hard time fielding a minyan.

As Yoinoson pointed out, the Chazal have deemed it necessary, even where the blood is not Dam Nidus (menstrual), to separate man and wife immediately after their first sexual enocounter together. That’s just cruel and unusual punishment. From the time I am 12 years old until the wedding night, all the while sitting on the worst case of ‘blue balls’ in recorded history, and I get to use it once? And then have to wait again? What kind of sadistic cruel nonsense is that? Yet, taken in context of what we’ve seen, I’m not surprised at all.

To be fair, there are passages and sayings that do speak outside the context of ‘conception- only’ thinking. There is one place that discusses sex during pregnancy offering advice on how sex could hurt or help the child grow. There is another that actually addresses the realities of faithfulness and love and how sex, even when outside of procreation, is necessary to form strong marital bonds and keep men in line. (See #9) The notion that all things can be worked out without physical contact is plain nonsense. That might be great for friendships, which marriage should be in part, but for husband and wife that sexual bond is part and parcel of their Shalom Bayis, and the special means by which they connect to the exclusion of all others.

To further the ‘conception-only’ idea is our Laws of Nidus. It is no coincidence that mikveh time falls out right around ovulation. To assume that Chazal didn’t intend it as so is to try and retrofit their words with modern thinking. They knew. They also knew how to control the people by controlling their relationships. A man would never pledge more allegiance to his wife (or his own penis) than he would to their authority. Many cults use sex as a means of control. Sadly, many spouses do, too.

You have to wonder at the lengths the Chazal went to in restricting and regulating sexual relations between married people, and how these rules and attitudes have effected our own sexuality. Most don’t know the difference so it’s no big deal. I think they are the lucky ones in a way. Until I had my first really good lay, I didn’t know it could be better either. Ignorance can be bliss sometimes because ignorance doesn’t create conflicts.

Kol Tuv

The Clarity of Shadow

Lies

Lying to the young is wrong.

Proving to them that lies are true is wrong.

Telling them

that God’s in his heaven

and all’s well with the world is wrong.

They know what you mean.

They are people too.

Tell them the difficulties

can’t be counted,

and let them see

not only what will be

but see with clarity these present times.

Say obstacles exist they must encounter,

sorrow comes,

hardship happens.

The hell with it

Who never knew

the price of happiness

will not be happy.

Forgive no error

you recognize,

it will repeat itself, a hundredfold

and afterward

our pupils

will not forgive in us

what we forgave. (Yvgeny Yevtushenko, 1952)

I had intended to use this poem as a catalyst for sharing some childhood experiences with truth and falsehood. I honestly do not know where to begin, or if to begin at all. I’m not quite ready for that just yet. My problem isn’t in telling truths, but knowing them. The lies I have been told are more omissions of truth than outright lies. Lies are disproved by fact, but without fact, even where some truth exists, there are nothing more than shadows of reality.

I spent my childhood living in those shadows watching others play under the lights, taking the things I knew to be lies, but could not prove as lies, to be realities. They seemed happy. I watched silently for a time. Then that time became a long time. Then that long time became my life. Then my life saw time becoming short. That shortness turned into urgency. That urgency turned into desperation. That desperation turned into courage. That courage became change. That change led to discoveries. Those discoveries imbued me with truths. Those truths awakened me. That awakening forced me to explore. That exploration drove me back into the shadows, and the process starts all over again.

There is clarity in the shadows you don’t notice until you’ve seen the light. It’s the search for the mystery you cannot solve. It is the challenge of facing irony between the bouts of escapism and your mundane existence. Happiness feels good, though never as satisfying as reality. I have learned something that I cannot speak in words, but may only come through tears. Are they tears of sadness? Yes. Are they tears of joy? Equally so!

Even when standing in the light I wonder, “Is it me casting a shadow? Or is the shadow casting me?”

Kol Tuv

Say Nice Things About Detroit? Why?

http://www.freep.com/news/statewire/sw123962_20051110.htm

November 10, 2005, 5:06 AM

AUBURN HILLS, Mich. (AP) -- The Sacramento Kings have bought newspaper ads to apologize for showing derogatory images of Detroit on video screens before their home-opener against the Pistons. The NBA says it is investigating.

When the Pistons were introduced Tuesday night, the Arco Arena scoreboard flashed pictures of abandoned buildings, burned-out cars, piles of rubble and other negative images of Detroit. The Pistons won the game, 102-88.

I live in Detroit. If you walk just a few blocks from my home you will find abandoned buildings, overgrown vacant lots, broken glass, prostitutes, and crack houses. Whoever created that pre-game display was telling a very sad truth about the city of Detroit. This town is a shit-hole, and with the further erosion of our manufacturing base, the jobs, taxes, and skills needed to bring about urban renewal are pretty much non-existent. With the re-election of Mayor Kilpatrick, and thus the re-election of corruption and cronyism, we can also expect no help whatsoever from those charged with making Detroit a safer and better place to live. I hold no hope for the future of this city.

Blame isn’t only isolated to the city administrators themselves. There has been a long standing animosity between the Republican-dominated state political machine and an overwhelmingly minority ethnic Detroit electorate. When cuts in funding are necessary because of changes on the state or federal level, it is always the city of Detroit that bears the brunt of those cuts. There is either a complete detachment on their part or a concerted effort to disenfranchise and perhaps even take over the city through receivership or redistricting.

I am wondering why the city of Detroit needs an apology from anyone for exposing what is an obviously blatant reality to anyone who exits our expressways anywhere within city limits. This is especially surprising because Detroit actually prides itself on being tough, gritty, mean, and not a place for the faint of heart. That sort of advertising does not convey neatly arranged homes with picket fences or tree-lined avenues filled with happy, playful children. For at least two decades or more, Detroit has cultivated the image, both in music and popular culture, as a very tough place to survive. I don’t see any need for apologies or investigations.

Many of us remember the t-shirts emblazoned with slogans such as “Detroit: Where the weak are killed and eaten”, or others like “Detroit: Only the strong survive.” There is a scene in Kentucky Fried Movie (1977), a spoof on the classic martial arts film Enter the Dragon (Bruce Lee), in which the island leader threatens a CIA operative with exile to Detroit, whereupon the seasoned operative begins to cry in fear “Not Detroit! Not Detroit!” I don’t think Detroiters really give a shit about being called out for being tough and a bit uncivilized at times. It appears it’s all we have going for us right now.

We in Detroit are not a bunch of pussies that are afraid of a little truth that solidifies our image as the toughest town around. Save your apologies for Hoboken or Cedar Rapids. Meantime, please get the f*** out of here! I’m about to ‘bust a cap’ in your sorry ass!

In Torture We Trust?

“Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans, born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage, and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those human rights to which this nation has always been committed, and to which we are committed today, at home and around the world!” (John F. Kennedy, 1917 - 1963, Inaugural Address, 1961)

Sometimes I have to check the calendar to remind myself what century I’m living in. Aside from Abu Garib and Gitmo, it appears our government has been running similar operations in Afghanistan and Eastern Europe. If you are not outraged or ashamed of this, I have no use for you. It is nothing short of pathetic that our government allows this to go on. We the people need to speak out and speak out loudly against this. Foremost, we must continue to press for open government and transparency. We cannot and must not continue to have our leaders dirty deal behind our backs any longer. Their decisions effect how we are viewed by the world. I do not wish to be counted among the liars, murderers, warmongers, or torturers of this or any nation.

In a recent vote of the Senate, a proposed rider on to an appropriations bill was added to outlaw the torturing of prisoners by our military, intelligence, or police agencies. The measure was passed with a 90-9 vote. That means there are at least nine members of the highest levels of our legislative branch who condone the use of torture to coerce information from prisoners of war or suspected terrorists. The President, in spite of his public denials, surrounds himself with advisors who openly support the use of torture; Dick “Dark Lord” Cheney being the most vocal among them. It is interesting that a man like Mr. Cheney, never having served in the military, and whose wealth and prestige have protected him from even every-day sort of hardships, would be so eager to see others being tortured. I’ve been through some painful times, be it illness, injury, relationships, or financial troubles, and I can’t find any good reason to wish any kind of sufferings, no matter how trivial, upon others. My sense of empathy is too strong. This is yet another strong indication of how ‘out of touch’ the corporate oriented Bush administration is with real life.

Now I’m not all that sure what agreements we have signed onto and which ones we haven’t, or what they mean or don’t mean or could mean or should mean, and I’m 100% sure that when I do actually sit down to read those treaties that some lawyer or Republican Bushbot will find a way to twist the obvious into the oblivious. Alberto “Speedy Execution” Gonzales is always available to parse the legalese in such a fashion that no one can make sense of it any longer. The terms combatant, soldier, terrorist, criminal, civilian, etc., seem to mean the same thing, nothing, and everything simultaneously. I’m confused about the legalese. Even if there exist such loopholes in the law, why would we be so desperate to exploit them in order commit heinous acts that much of the civilized world finds reprehensible?

I am reminded by the paranoid hysteric nationalists among us that “America is under attack” and “our way of life is threatened”, and this is the justification for war and the “by any means necessary” approach to national security. What if there was a bomb ready to go off and we needed to build 100s of naked human pyramids to get the needed information? Many experts claim the torture doesn’t work and, in fact, we have been torturing captives and it seems the war against their terror isn’t going all that well. The Bush administration seems intent upon “staying the course” and even escalating the level of their cruelty and incompetence, even though it does not and cannot produce the results it desires.

The most common defense I hear for the use of torture is along the lines of “They already do it to us! Haven’t you seen them cutting off heads? Do you think for a minute they wouldn’t hesitate to do that to you?” Taking a moral or ethical high ground is possible when you actually behave in a moral or ethical manner. Am I to justify our perpetration of such evil by the fact that they do it? What happened to protecting “our way of life”? Our culture of civility and rational jurisprudence does not permit torturing of anyone for any reason. As a civilized and somewhat humanitarian society, we are careful not to inflict undue harm, stress, or violence upon even those who violate our laws. The supporters of torture would like us to protect our way of life by changing it to look exactly as the enemy’s does.

Everything we do in a society requires a rational and measured approach. The ‘slippery slope’ argument has, from both a psychosocial and historical perspective, a great deal of merit. Once we get used to reclassifying the enemy as terrorists, once we begin to rename our actions, or once we begin to parse and spin the treaties we sign for other purposes, it is a short road to more and wider abuses through those same methods. The definition of ‘terrorist’ or ‘supporter of terror’ will eventually shift (if it hasn’t already) from real terror to common civil disobedience and political dissent. Anything and everything opposed to the nationalism of the ruling class can be reclassified as ‘supporting terror’, and soon the nationalists and patriots will be clamoring for opposition leaders and political opponents to face torture and execution. Nationalists may claim it is only a temporary measure for an extreme circumstance, but so was the Patriot Act! Once you give the government a power, no matter how urgent or specific the circumstance, it borders on impossible to rescind that power once the danger has passed.

Tyrants subvert language to whip the masses into hysteria and then elicit reactionary fervor. Redefining terms is just the beginning of a long chain of national immorality and injustice. It allows for the justification of any evil imaginable. This misdirection will herald the end of civility and humanitarianism, and to the moral capacity of the society that dares engage in such heinous acts of cruelty. We become a nation on the fast track to ruination should we choose that course of action as our ultimate goal. Pray that never happens.

Just having to bear witness each day to the bullshit, lies, malfeasance, incompetence, and obfuscations of this administration and their brainwashed followers is torture enough for me. How about you? Perhaps if we really want to torture the enemy we should give them this government!

“What the world needs is not dogma but an attitude of scientific inquiry combined with a belief that the torture of millions is not desirable, whether inflicted by Stalin or by a Deity imagined in the likeness of the believer.” (Bertrand Russell, 1872 - 1970)

Some Days Are Like That

Another Sappy Love Poem

Verbing With You

buying cards and flowers
kissing cheeks
eating dinners on the run
washing dishes
hugging cats
shopping just for fun

sleeping in
taking walks
snuggling until eight
coming home
cooking dinner
feeling really great

sweeping floors
opening mail
sorting laundry once a night
kicking back
reading books
knowing this is right

flipping channels
surfing the net
driving into work together
folding sheets
watering plants
complaining about weather

brushing teeth
getting dressed
arguing on what to wear
laughing loud
writing letters
showing that we care

making love
holding hands
paying another bill
brewing coffee
working out
hoping we always will

waking up
mulling around
missing when one's not here
hiding affections
living every-day stuff
saying how much i love you dear

Reb Shtreimel

During my short break from blogging, it seems that my good friend Reb Shtreimel decided to rejoin the ranks of the holy faithful. I was asked to comment about this turn of events, and I will do so. Let me preface by saying there is no sense of victory or defeat in terms of whether or not Reb Shtreimel, or anyone else for that matter, stays Orthodox or joins me on Yom Kippur morning for a bacon-and-eggs breakfast. I take no joy in hearing of the turmoil that I went through in my own spiritual reassessment being lived now by others. It is a painful catharsis. I am happy he has made a decision.

Reb Shtreimel broke some rules along the way and neglected some others. That’s perfectly human. The only thing that differentiates Reb Shtreimel from everyone else in his community is that he wrote about it and shared his feelings and ideas with others. For every Reb Shtreimel who displays the courage, albeit anonymously, to tell us what he is thinking and feeling, there are dozens if not hundreds who feel the same and suffer silently, passing that frustration out onto their families, their business partners, and others. There are others, whose inner machinations drive them into drug use, sex addiction, or even worse because they had nowhere to vent their pent up doubts and feelings. The psychosocial processes of the religious Jews are the same as with anyone else; we only label them in a different language and context.

Does anyone know how incredibly difficult it becomes to hide something that those close to you must never find out? It takes a great deal of planning to keep secrets, lies, and your own troubles from bubbling to the surface and out of earshot or eyeshot of those who are watching you. It is exhausting work to live a double life. Unless you are a sadistic bastard who takes pleasure from lying to others in order to see just what you can get away with, there is no joy in the effort involved. Reb Shtreimel is an honest man with honest feelings. The subterfuge had to be tough on him.

His world has expectations of him. He has ultimately chosen to live by their values, because above all, he values them above all else. His contrition is the surrender to what he really values most, and it is an unselfish and pure act of Love. I hope someday that I can thank him personally for stimulating so many hearts and minds through his open frankness. I gained a great deal from our exchanges and I will miss them.

Ehr zoll vehren gebensht mit glick, mit nachass, und mit shalom.

Kol Tuv

“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” (Nelson Mandela, from 'A Long Walk to Freedom')